Yay, Those People!

I was sitting in the stands last week, reading a million boring things on the Internet and praying that Stumbleupon would finally find something fun and interesting for me to look at. I looked out at the kids skating, listened back to the parents chattering, and I realized how bored I was. Just. Bored.

That looks like so much fun, I thought, watching the kids fly through back crossovers and waltz threes. I wish I could do that.


Parents do a lot of jabbering about "oh, I'd never be able to do it" in regards to their children skating. I've said it a million times myself. It's a favorite topic, expecially when some kid is having trouble.

Here is the script:
"Little Susie is having so much trouble with that *insert troublesome element.*"
"Oh, that's unfortunate. But she's really good at *insert strong element here to reassure fellow parent.*"
"I know, she's just stuck. It's so hard."
"Oh, I know. It's all hard. I mean, I know I could never do it!"
"Me neither!"
*Insert obligatory banter consisting of self-deprecating comments about age, joints, weight, cellulite or any given combination of these things.*

I was crossing the lobby to get a Diet Coke when another mother caught me. "Oh, hey there! How are you?"
"Fine, fine. How is your skater?"
"Oh good. She's on the Synchro team now."
"That's great. They seem to have fun."
"How is Stitch?"
"He's having some trouble with FS4. It's hard for him right now."
"Oh, it's all hard," she said, and I thought, here we go. "He's such a fun little performer, though."
"I know. But it's getting him to work through the hard parts."
"He'll be fine. I mean, I could never do it!" she filled in the script.

At this point I was tired of the script. "Oh, I don't know. It doesn't look so hard. I'd like to take a class."

She stopped laughing, and gave me a look. "You're not going to be one of those Adult Skaters, are you?"
"Maybe. Why not?"
"I mean," her stare hardened and she lowered her voice. "Have you seen those people?"

I shit you not, this was an actual conversation.

"They're nice. I like them." I honestly had no other response to what had just happened. Those People? Really?

She laughed to herself and settled back down into the booth. "Well, just don't hurt yourself."

I walked away, forgetting the Diet Coke. Why not? What's stopping you?

I've talked a big game about joining a class and learning to skate myself. My adult skater friends are always telling me that I should. On Tuesday mornings I watch an adult skater finish up her lessons, and I'm envious. Something always stops me. It could be fear. Could be self doubt. Could be anything, really. Could be that I'm not really believing that I could actually do something like this.

One of my most unforgettable moments with Coach Y was one morning when she was fussing at me, back during the Great Gamma Crisis of 2011. I was pushing back, wanting him to stay in Gamma, and she looked at me and said, "Anyone can do this shit if you have money."

And that kind of shut me up because I realized she was right. Throw enough money at any kid and they'll be doing decent skating, why can't that same equation work for me? And what do I care about those Other Moms thinking I'm one of THOSE PEOPLE? I think they're plenty weird in their own way.

I'm taking lessons in the Summer, and I need a coach to vouch for me to sign up for Alpha. I can do swizzles, forward and back, I can glide on one foot. I'm good at inside edges and still a little leery of outside edges but I can do them if I'm feeling gutsy. I'm better at stopping now, and I'm working on forward crossovers. One of my favorite things to do is Scooter Pushes, really fast. I started trying to go backwards on one foot before my plantar facsitis began crying and I had to stop for awhile. But I got special insoles and that pain seems to be receding, and I'm ready to try again.

I think to some degree all the skating moms are harboring some secret longing to be out there themselves, and having your kid out there can be a pretty reasonable substitute for that. I think every mom standing by the door with her arms out or in or whatever is skating by proxy. Like Munchausen's but more expensive.

Well. I think I'm ready to give it a try. (It doesn't look that hard.)

The Hospice Weeks

Strange things have been happening lately. I'm busy at the office. I'm busy at home. And somewhere between working, running errands, shuttling back and forth from the rink, cooking, cleaning, and running a home and raising a kid, I got the flu.

Stitch had come down with some mysterious illness for a few days, wherein he ran a high fever and lay lethargic on the sofa. He drank orange juice and slept, and I just blissfully assumed my immune system would function as it always had. He pulled out of that one, came down with something new a few days later which only lasted a day, but by then I was starting to feel awful. I hadn't had a fever in years, I'd forgotten what it felt like. Death. It felt like death, just to clarify that.

I'm starting to feel better. In fact, today is the first day in two weeks in which I've felt "normal." I still have a cough, but it sounds worse than it is. I'm off all the decongestants, so my head is clearer. The prospect of Spring Show rehearsals starting doesn't scare me as much.

That's right. Spring Show. Rehearsals start in a few weeks. I spent two weekends in the lobby during Saturday Classes, measuring and recruiting kids while hopped up on Tylenol and phenyleparine. Parents were ambivalent. After the costuming disaster of Winter Show, some were understandably nervous. I glossed things over as best I could, trying to look as normal as possible.

Stitch, with no immediate competitions on the horizon, is in both the group number for his level and the "specialty group" number. He's rolling his eyes, stating the rehearsal schedule will be too much, but if I know my Stitch, once he's in the thick of things, he'll be fine with it and asking for more.

He passed Freestyle Three the week I was starting to shake and feel numb. He gave me the paper and I was pleased. Change foot spin, still his weakest element, but Class Passing. I've mentioned to Coach many times, "Please. Back Spin. Please." In my two weeks of incoherence, I doubted I made much sense among the parents rushing to pass things.

This past weekend was his first run at Freestyle Four. Again, I'm expecting to be here for awhile. I'm glad to be here awhile for many reasons. He can sit at Freestyle four for a solid year if needs be. This Saturday the coaches introduced the new dance step sequence, which includes a variation on a three turn which left him flummoxed. And his foot was pestering him.

The weekend prior, the one where I was laying on the sofa, feverish, achey and cranky because I couldn't breathe, Stitch reported that his foot hurt. I asked him why. He said he had jumped off some infernal piece of playground equipment and his foot had hurt ever since. He said it hurt in the arch, and it really hurt when he was skating on it. I told him that it would be fine, since I was letting the week be light on the skating anyway, as he was between class sessions. "Just put ice on it. Or something," I think I said, before I retired to take another nap.

But Saturday, his hops were all off, his spirals were non-existent, and he looked like he was in pain. I pulled him over during the break, and asked if it was his hurting foot, and he said yes. "It's killing me," he clarified. So, I asked Coach what I should do, seeing as how she might have some knowledge of Sports Medicine which I do not. She instructed me to try taping it, but to see a foot doctor if it continued much longer. This horrified me, so I went up into the stands, took some more ibuprofin for my two week long headache and prayed for the best.

Tuesday morning we set off for lessons, and he said his foot felt fine. I watched him skate and he looked normal, not in pain. Coach nabbed him and they had a great little lesson which included Loop jumps and some new warmup step which we have dubbed "MoHops."

So, my Flu seems to be gone, leaving only a waning cough behind. If you hear me at the rink, it sounds bad but I feel great. Stitch's foot seems to have healed itself, but I'm keeping an eye on it. "No more jumping from the slide platforms," I told him. "No more tearing up your body at the playground," Coach Snape told him.

After weeks of antagonism, the two of them seem to have hit it off. Stitch gave him a cookie once after lessons, and Coach Snape seeks him out for mini-lectures about not tormenting me and taking care of himself. It's actually kinda cute, and it makes me happy.

Coach is starting a Spin Class, which Stitch will do. That Back Spin will be fully conquered.

Crystal Blue Persuasion

It's common knowledge that you can't do Figure Skating without Sparkle. The more elaborate, unique, blinged out thing you're wearing, the better. Freestyle dresses have been turned away by Coach because they were not sparkly enough.

But Sparkle isn't cheap. Go online shopping for a figure skating dress, and you'll fast learn that the more crystal a dress has, the price goes up exponentially. A common practice in the Skating Universe is to buy a prefab dress and stone it yourself.

In the not-so-distant past, you could Crystal just about anything using The Device Which Shall Not Be Named. I have only found a few people willing to admit that they owned The Device Which Shall Not Be Named, because ownership of said Device seems to carry a cultural imperative that you create a denim jacket with a unicorn motif.



Nowadays, we use Flatback Crystal and some form of Glue.

Where do you get Crystal? Does it have to be Swarovski? How much do you need to buy, and what color? And most importantly, how do you stick it on the dress?

As it so happens, I've been in the thick of a few projects that are heavy on the Crystal, in addition to stoning a few dresses for my fellow skating parents. So, let's talk about the Crystal Mysteries.

Swarovski, as I've stated before, is quite possibly the most commonly known crystal around. Swarovski used to limit itself to crystal knicknacks, stemware and commercial jewelry, but then it discovered that hoardes of amatuer jewelers like myself were buying up old costume jewelry and prying out the stones to create our own things. (The old style round stones in sew-on metal settings were terrible.) So, Swarovski, smart company that it is, moved in to accommodate us, and now there is a vast array of beads and gems under the Swarovski Elements line.

Firstly, Swarovski Crystal is not a true crystal like quartz or tourmaline or amethyst. It's just leaded glass with a high refractive index, finely cut like a traditional gemstone. But when you facet leaded glass, the results are stunning.

You can buy Swarovski Elements any number of internet vendors, or even a local bead store. Bead stores, however, are more likely to carry bicone and cube shapes, and not the flatbacks needed for costuming. I've found the most unique shapes and cuts on Artbeads, and when I need common cuts and colors I just go to Fire Mountain. Keep your eyes open, always be shopping, always price compare.

Crystal Colors
What color you choose is dictated by the garment. When I'm making Jewelry, I steer clear of A/B (rainbow) Coatings as I find they look chintzy. But for Costuming, they look pretty good. I'd say the most common crystal I see is an A/B Coated one, but don't limit yourself. Swarovski offers an incredible array of colors, coatings, and foilbacked stones. Look around. Spend a little money to experiment. See what others are doing. Collaborate.

Crystal Sizes
Coming from Jewelry, I'm used to measuring my stones in millimeters, but apparently costume design uses some kind of arbitrary numbering system. I found this image, with the various stones and their size numbers next to a US Penny, which clears things up.

I've never gone larger than 5mm. In the right color, a 5mm can pop with just as much drama as a larger stone, and they are cheap.

What truly staggers me is that the only shape of Crystal I see out there is round. Did you know Swarovski makes a wide variety of shapes and facets in the Flatback Style? Doubtless, once you drop below a certain size, no one will know if it's a snowflake shape or a round shape from forty feet away, but all the same, I would imagine it would be fun to have a different crystal style than everyone else. Check out Artbeads' Swarovski Resource Page for colors, wire diagrams, shapes, sizes and a glossary of terms!

Snowflakes in a Rivoli Cut, 5mm AB Coat

About Hotfix
I've never used Hotfix, mostly because I'm too cheap to buy a seperate implement for the express purpose of gluing crystal, but also because I fear burning my projects. I'm not alone in my fear. If you have experience with Hotfix, please speak up!

Gluing them on.
Most people, I've found, use some incredibly toxic and annoying substance called E6000. I personally cannot stand this stuff. It's impossible to work with because the tubes are so much larger than the stones themselves, and you end up squirting way too much adhesive on everything. Or if you try squirting a set amount of E6000 into a dish and try using a toothpick or some other tiny pokey thing to poke the adhesive onto the place you want to glue, you drag tendrils of adhesive all over the garment. And you can kiss that dish goodbye, because E6000 is instantaneously permanent as all hell. Then you have E6000 all over your fingers for at least three days, from trying to wipe away the tendrils. I find E6000 to be the most unforgiving substance in the universe, and since I make tons of mistakes, I use something different.

I use Rosco Crystal Gel. Even Rosco found this surprising. Take a tablespoon of Crystal Gel, put it in a sandwich bag. Nip off the end and voila! Piping bag. Pipe a small dab of the Gel onto the spot you want a crystal. You can even let it sit for awhile, because unlike E6000, Crystal Gel does not start to set instantaneously. You have about five minutes.

I use tweezers to drop stones onto the Gel, and then I give them a little tap on the head to squish them into the Gel. If a little seeps up onto the side of the stone, don't fret. It dries completely clear. If you accidentally smudge the gel, you can wipe it away quickly with a wet washcloth, as the Gel is water soluble. (Unlike the Evil E6000.) Wash your implements before the Gel dries.

In a half hour, the Gel should be dry enough that you can pick up the garment. In 24 hours, the Gel will have cured completely.

I have used Crystal Gel successfully for the past year to adhere crystal to knits, spandex, fleece, stretch velvet and canvas. Because Crystal Gel offers a degree of flexibility, it doesn't seem to mind when the fabric underneath it stretches.

I have also never used Gemtack. If you have some Gemtack experience, speak up!

Do not use Hot Glue. Hot Glue is simply plastic that melts at a low temperature, and if it sticks to anything then you've found the exception to the rule. I got over Hot Glue in the early Nineties, you should, too.

Crystal will fall off. No matter what you use, you will have a failure rate. Even my prized Cherri Chau Crystal Barrette, advertised as being the only crystalled jewelry that would never lose a stone, has a few bare spots. Buy 10% additional stones to cover for failures. Check the garment before and after wearing to see if you've lost anyone. Have a moment of silence for the MIA and Presumed Dead stones, and replace as needed.

Consider Crystal on a Garment as you would Icing on a Cake. The right amount tastes wonderful, but too much or too little is ruinous. Fifty well placed stones can do so much more than a hundred just thrown scattershot at a dress. Make a drawing, lay out the stones before you commit with glue, sleep on it and collaborate with your fellow seamstresses.

Have fun. Don't be afraid to mess up. My beading Stash is replete with failed projects. Without failing, how will you learn what works?

Mompetition: What it is and how to avoid it.

(Sorry for the long absence, my day job is suddenly very busy, which is a great sign for our economy. If the arts are picking up, certainly other industries are as well! But it means less posting, apparently. We will return to Sewing Week after this brief interruption!)

From the day our babies are born, us Mothers are entered into the Mompetition Games. How big was your baby? Eight pounds? Puh-lease. Little Elsie was eight and half pounds! You don't know what a big baby is!

As they grow, it goes on. How much are they eating? How long are you nursing? Does your child eat sushi or just chicken nuggets? What growth percentile are they in? Do they know their letters and colors? Oh, pfft. Mine knew the alphabet at six months. And you are teaching Baby Signs, right? We've moved on to pre-algebra, the first grade math program is just boring her. Oh, you're just doing General Education? We're doing the Special Curriculum, we just think it's best for Junior.

Yeah. You know what I'm talking about.

It's annoying as all hell, because no matter what your child does or did or could ever hope to do is certain to be bested by some Goody-Two-Shoes Mom who is defining herself through her child and their acheivements. Even if those acheivements are little more than having the biggest fecal production of the day in the pediatrician's office, this mom takes the spotlight by proxy.

It was Mompetition that drove me from the playgroups early on in my parenting career. I simply could not tolerate the constant inference that my son was somehow inferior because he could not "sign" for water at three months, and that I was an inferior parent for not doing math flashcards at three weeks. After getting the stinkeye for admitting that I had trouble nursing in the early days, I just decided these women weren't worth my time. (Double mastitis? Clearly I had done something wrong, was their implication.)

So for years I operated safely outside the Mompetitor games. I just collected Stitch from Preschool, nodded politely at the other mothers and made a hasty exit. I didn't bother answering questions about diet, study habits or bowel movements.

Then Stitch began Figure Skating, and I inadvertently entered the Mompetitor Olympics.

He's stuck at Freestyle Three? Oh... *insert subtle look*

And somehow your child's inability to master a complex skill overnight becomes a reflection on you. Honestly, sometimes I think I'd rather say that Stitch has a drinking problem than say he's still working through the Change Foot Spin, just because I can't stand that Judgey Look. (I believe my detractors have used the terms "struggling with," which I find to be disheartingly mean. I struggle with separating grocery carts. I am working through forward crossovers, a new skill.)

Conversely, if you have a child who can skate, who really does master complex skills overnight, you're in for a different world of hurt. Yesterday I received a gift of chocolate from a fellow skating mom, thanking me for "being so nice."

All I do is talk to her while the kids have lessons. We talk food, our various craft projects, pets, school, homework, politics, and occasionally, skating. But really, she gets a lot of cold shoulder at that rink, and I think it has a lot to do with how her little girl owns that ice. She's blowing away Freestyle Four at the moment, much to the consternation of a Mompetitor who does nothing but give Other Mom the silent treatment.

As a mom, it's all too easy to fall into the trap of defining yourself through your child. When your child does great things, of course you are proud and want to share that success. It's certainly cool to be the "Mother of the Awesome Kid." But when you fall into that pit, you run the risk of exposing yourself to severe ego damage when your child falters, fails, or even worse, is outperformed by another child. And if you don't think that's going to happen, think again.

What makes it worse is the weird imperative that your child must Figure Skate as a "Serious" Competitor or not at all. ("Your child just does ISI competitions? Pfft, we switched out of that long ago.")

Once you and your child's performance are linked, you simply cannot face those Other Moms with children you percieve as better than yours, nor can you spend enough time around those moms with children who are behind yours in their skillset. Your friendships at the rink are suddenly terribly limited, based on fragile terms, and very often under false pretenses. Is that any way to lead a Social Life?

Other Mom often hung out in the lobby, just doing her own thing, and yes, she did seem a little aloof. But one day I introduced myself and struck up a conversation with her. As it turns out, she's in the lobby because her daughter wants her there and it's too cold in the rink anyway. It had nothing to do with her personality, which is warm, funny and inviting.

So, how do you avoid Mompetition? Just don't buy it.

Whenever someone starts talking smack about another Mom, smile and nod, and gently steer the conversation to something else. If they insist, find somewhere else to be. (The Booth. The Cafe. The Broom Closet. Anywhere.) If you see a mom hanging out alone, say Hi. If you meet a new family at the rink, be nice.

And when you meet a Mom who is making dubious choices in pursuit of their child's skating, simply mind your own backyard, stay out of their way, and try to be a positive influence.

We're just here to skate. No one at the rink is curing cancer or writing a Middle Eastern Peace Treaty. It's just figure skating. Do unto others as you would have them not talk about you when you go to the bathroom.

Sewing Trims

Now that we've picked a trim, we have to get it onto our garment somehow. Our friend Sophie is sewing pants. Pants pose a challenge because you have to apply the trim onto a finished seam rather than a panel, and you end up working in a tube.

The trick is Patience, and Pinning. Pins are your best friend. Lay the pants down flat, and lay the trim onto them. Pin it down, being careful not to go all the way through to the other side of the garment.

To sew it down, choose a regular Sharp needle. (They're actually called Sharps, which seems intuitive but whatever.) You'll be tempted to use a clear Nylon thread, like this one.

Sewer Beware! It's clear, but not a great idea!

Be careful. My experience with clear Nylon is that it decays over time, becoming brittle. I have a netted beaded bag that is slowly disintegrating due to a poor thread choice I made. I'd be safe and choose a thread color that is a close match, like this burgundy thread on burgundy lace.

Start at the end, folding over the edge of the trim for neatness. Whipstitch the edge, and start working your way up. For a trim like this, I use a backstitch in roughly 1/4" lengths. For everyone using metric, go two centimeters long. Don't bother pulling the needle in and out, because you're in a tube and you're going to end up annoying yourself. Simply pull the needle staying on the outside of the garment.

Here's a link to a basic hand sewing tutorial with videos: http://cyberseams.com/article/105045/basics/how_to_sew_by_hand_basic_stitches.html

This is a pretty gaudy beaded trim, and beaded trims carry some caveats. They need care. This trim features glass tube beads affixed with cotton thread, which means the little sharp glass tube edges are rubbing against poor cotton thread, cutting it over time. Beads do fall off. Be on the lookout for loosies, resewing them down as you come to them.

See the sharp glass rubbing on that poor thread? It will eventually tear.

For slung sequins, I use a regular running stitch going through the holes of the sequins. If you look here, you can see my sewing threads on this leftover piece of trim I created for Pink Panther.

On the back, it's also easy to see what I did.

When dealing with stretch trims, use the same techniques, but don't pull the threads tight. Leave them a little loose to allow the fabric underneath and the trim to give. When we say, "tack on this trim," we really mean that. Just tack it on so it stays.

Check in with your trimmed garments before and after wearing, especially if they're a beaded or heavy trim. Check for torn thread, loose beads, or floppy bits, and re-sew them as needed. A beaded garment is a high-maintenance garment, and for something that is actually pretty Athletic wear, you need to repair abuse as it happens.

Up next, Appliques and You