Tuesday, June 4, 2013

What to wear, a rebuttal.

Gonna have to argue with Xan's last post regarding adult skating wear. Black? Modesty? Where am I, Afghanistan?

Weekdays I wear pants. I have a pair of black and a pair of purple velvet. The velvets look great (OMG they are NOT BLACK!) but they have to be cleaned before I wear them out as they attract cat hair. Lots. Of Cat Hair. But after reading this post, I have a sudden and fierce urge to burn every pair of black skating pants I have and never again make another pair. I wear pants not out of any "modesty" but because I practice at ungodly hours of the morning. I don't have the luxury of sensible practice hours, and in the winter I'd wear my jeans over them. I need something I can get on in the dark, and something I can get out of fast to put on my day clothes and get going. Often I'm in a "normal" shirt so I can skip that step when I'm doing my quick change after practice. My jacket is black only because I paid $6 for it at a resale shop. After reading this post, I'm stepping up the search for a colored jacket, and I do have a purple shrug and white shrug for summer.

Which isn't to say I don't rock dresses and skirts. I just save those for the weekends which are more leisurely. I like wearing skirts. It's rare for me to actually get to wear them in real life, because the days I do, I usually end up in the shop, doing shop-type work which is completely incompatible with skirts. Wearing a skating dress or skirt, I can actually feel feminine for a change. I made a practice dress, a few skirts and a leotard. I own one prefab leotard, given to me by my friends at IDS. And wow, does that backline plunge! Sorry, Xan! (No, not sorry.)

Also, I made a pair of burgundy boot covers which I will wear with my black pants (OMG they DO NOT MATCH), and also with my jeans when I am a Rink Guard.

My ice show dress, which was the first true skating dress I made for myself, broke a whole slew of Xan's modesty rules for adults. It was black, because we were told to wear black, (ADULTS MUST WEAR BLACK) but:
It was really short. I mean, short. It rode a good few inches above that mid-thigh. It covered me, but if I did any good extension I'd be showing my ass. The one I literally ran off in before dawn in single digit temperatures.
It had a keyhole back. My back and shoulders were proudly on display. I worked hard for that muscle.
It showed some cleavage. I have cleavage. I had experimented with a supportive inner layer, and had some success. I'll know how to do it better next time, to avoid the Bra Conundrum. Two words: Halter Top. (How's that backline holding up? Ha, puns!)

All these Fashion Rules, written and unwritten, regarding Adult Skating have a theme: Be plain. Be unobtrusive. Skating clothes are for skaters, you're not a skater. Blend in. Black only. For pity's sake, cover up. No one wants to see that. Modesty! The judges like modesty? Well, as every coach I've ever conversed with regardng adult skating is so very fond of pointing out, it's not like we're going to the Olympics. If I hear one more Olympic joke I may snap. They're not funny.

Treating other people's bodies, or your own body for that matter, as disgusting things that do not belong on display is the worst form of body policing. And no, I don't know anything about skating, and if knowing about skating means engaging in fat shaming then I don't want to. Leave me to my practice and stop educating me on this ridiculous culture.

By all means, wear what you're comfortable in. But to be perfectly frank, this habit of Adults practicing in weird amalgamations of workout wear or jeans makes me insane. We're not running, doing yoga or playing tennis. We're skaters and we're skating. They make skatewear in adult sizes, and if it's not what you like or can afford, it's simple enough to make.


This is my pick of leotard/practice dress pattern at the moment. It's not ideal. The binding on the neckline is a total pain in the ass, and I skip it if it's just a practice dress. Also bear in mind Jalie patterns tend to run a scoche small, so make it in a size larger than your measurements if you've got anything less than a 75% four way stretch fabric. Leotards are fun, but be sure to pee before you get them on. My dress is cotton teal with unfinished elbow length sleeves and a gray skirt. The leotard I made is in a red organic bamboo fabric (I splurged on that one) and my IDS leotard is bright purple. To give myself a lining, I've simply been basting in illusion/liner fabric where I've felt it's needed.


Here is a collection of skirt patterns. I've made the full in a burgundy and the A-Line in a lightweight gray for summer. In fact, I have some yardage of *RED* velvet I found on the remnant table to make a new one. I find I prefer the A-Line. I'm simply too squared off physically to pull off a full or froufy skirt without looking silly. (Picture a Clydesdale in a feathered halter.) These go together fast, but again, Jalie runs them small. Make it a size bigger if you're unsure, you can always take it in. I did not make the long one out of principle. To make the skirt longer to your preference, simply draw the tracing out three to four inches on the length. If you can't freehand it, move the tracing paper itself.


This is my pants pattern. Attach the stirrup bottom sans hole for length, and cut it 2" - 3" wider than the pattern on both sides, starting at the mid-calf level so the bottom goes over the skate boot. I'm not trying to make my legs look longer, I'm trying to make my feet look smaller. A toe peeping out seems less bulky than a whole boot on the end of my leg. I'll also add elastic around the bottom of the leg, to ensure it stays on the boot and doesn't ride up.

Kwik Sew makes an assortment of leotard patterns, but I tried two of those and hated them both. Kwik Sew may be fast, but they run really big and fit poorly. I made the first one and vowed never to eat again before I realized the pattern was at fault. I mentioned it to a costumer friend and he rolled his eyes at the mention of Kwik Sew. That having been said, I do like their wrap skirt pattern. Not a lot of fitting required there.

As for Fabric, you don't have to go black. We're not in mourning and we have nothing to hide. Yes, black is slimming, but red can set off your amazing complexion, blue can bring out your eyes, purple can set off your hair, neon green can make sure you get right of way, you get the idea. You're more than a shape, and anyone decrying that you don't look like a skater can get bent. (They're usually in the stands anyway, nursing their lattes and being judgey. Besides, the ones in their expensive clean running shoes, ill fitting yoga pants and massive Louis Vitton hobos posit a bigger fashion disaster than I ever could in a skating dress.) There is a vast selection of fabric in color and pattern at Spandex World. Go Red, Burgundy, Purple, Blue, Teal, Gray. Wear what you want. If these little girls can practice in pajama bottoms (seen it!) and skanky booty shorts, we can dare to wear color. The performance Spandex works well for pants, and cotton spandex makes a good warm leotard that breathes. At $8 to $12 a yard, and one 60" yard yielding a pair of pants, full skirt or leotard for an average size person, it's not that expensive to experiment.

To test for stretch, take the pattern with you and use the handy diagram on the back. It MUST stretch as far as they say in ALL FOUR directions. If you're buying online, the description will tell you 2-way or 4-way stretch, and the company should send you samples on request.

I had the priviledge of exhibiting at a dance tradeshow with IDS, a company that makes Ballet wear, and they are the main supplier for American Ballet Theatre. Across the aisle from us was a large booth selling a healthy array of booty shorts and crop tops in various neons and spangles. If you wanted, you could have things printed across the butt. (And I don't care what the letters are, it says, "LOOK AT MY BUTT.") Crop tops had anything from "DANCE" to "BRING IT" emblazoned on them.

I mentioned to the VP of Customer Relations at IDS that Booty Shorts were coming into vogue at the skating rink, and she shook her head. "If a real ballet student were to show up in those shorts, she'd be asked to leave."


"Yes. No serious student of dance wears anything like that," she had this great crisp British accent. "It's tawdry. Unprofessional." And she pointed to the solid color leotards and gorgeous matching wrap skirts and cardigans her company sold to ABT as the *standard uniform* of the school. Yes, a uniform, and not in the "everyone else has this so I must, too" way. **cough*Chloe Noel*cough** "It sets the tone," she explained. "You're in the right mindset to be serious. Not cutesy. You're there to work, not goof off in playclothes." Say it like Mary Poppins and it becomes an imperative. We talked a lot about costuming and booty shorts, and as a parting gift I got my purple leotard.

The kind VP from IDS is right. Just like the right suit can make you confident enough to speak in a big meeting, the right cocktail dress makes you poised to make a good impression, or the right shoes can help you to kick ass when warranted (I own two pairs of such heels. Look out when I wear them.) Wearing true skating clothing can help put you in the right state of mind. When my mind drifts to office problems or the housework I need to do, I just have to catch a glimpse of myself in the glass, looking like a skater and it brings me back. The real plus side of skating in actual skating clothing and not running clothes is that it's not so foreign when you do have to wear that "real" dress. You've already encountered and solved a lot of those logistical problems Xan brings up.

Unfortunately for my first "real" skating dress, it got a good bloodstain from where I fell and cut my chin open. As I'm terribly superstitious, I don't like to wear anything with physical memories of a bad accident. If I can't get the stain out, it may just be a pretty souvenir. Along with my chin scar. As for my Dignity, I apparently sacrificed most of that when I decided to strap on skates at 35. The rest I usually lose somewhere between mile 2, splits attempts, and crashing into the ground on "isolated rotations" during my off-ice mornings. I can sometimes find it again in the puddle of sweat I leave on my mat after crunches and hamstring/piriformis stretches. But I'd rather have my ice packs over my dignity anyway.

Wear what you damn well please.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Historical Thursday

In my search for information regarding figure skating, I made the gleeful discovery that the Google Online Library, as well as many other online Libraries, are replete with books dating to the 1800's on the sport. These are all free, all wonderful, and all hysterical. I encourage you to go searching for a few, and once you get past the flowery langauge, you can find some interesting and useful information.

Today we're looking at "Figure Skating for Women" from the Spalding Athletic Library dated 1921. This book is supposedly a beginner's guide, but it jumps from selecting and buying a good pair of skates to rocker turns within about twenty pages. You be the judge. We also learn that the standard by which we should judge ourselves is the premier european female skater of the day, "Charlotte," who is always referred to within quotations because apparently she is so very good that we cannot even say her name without religious pause. "Charlotte" is quoted very frequently, and she speaks pretty derisively of the quality of American Skaters she sees on public pond sessions. But she loves our enthusiasm.

This is "Charlotte."

She also has her own line of skates, proudly advertised in the back for ten dollars a pair.

On clothing, the book recommends that women wear a skirt no longer than the tops of the boots, and no shorter than mid-calf. Material can vary from sheer silk to leather. (Well, now I want a leather skirt.) Silk sweaters are advised, and to avoid bulk and aid in freedom of movement, we should have some silk or satin bloomers. Experts may wear costume "somewhat more striking than that which would be appropriate in public parks," but beginners had best stick to "subdued colors and simple design." I'm going to say it again; Bloomers.

The book goes on to say a few of the same things that Master Shifu says to me today, "don't look down," "bend your skating knee," and "twisting of the body." My personal favorite suggestion was "the palm turned down and the fingers slightly extended, but neither clenched nor spread out like claws." Now I want to try Claw-Hand at my next lesson just to see how that goes. It does state that teaching a friend to skate can be one of the greatest strains a friendship can bear, which I believe when I remember trying a few jumps, shaking and sweating in terror and thinking I was doing a little better, and Master Shifu yawning.

Hogwarts Coaching Team

Speaking of Master Shifu, the book does say that it would be wise to employ a "qualified teacher," but it warns that these people can command the exhorbant rate of four dollars an hour. If you want someone really good, then you can expect to pay fifteen dollars an hour.

Having been written in the twenties, this book doesn't really concern itself with jumping or spinning or any of that fun stuff we do. In fact, this is their idea of Spirals, which my husband would agree with.

No, it's all about school figures. These things, the shapes that the woman who studies Patch does, who gets annoyed with me when I accidentally invade her ice.

The figures range from the relatively simple.

To these things, which the book says we should not try. (I'm not joking.)

All in all, this is a pretty fun trip down skating history. I love history, because you can't know where you're going unless you see where other people have been before you. And now I think I will die if I don't get one of these glorious fur trimmed dresses to go skating in on the public rinks next winter.

Friday, February 15, 2013

I am being pressured to be in the Ice Show. Not by any coaches, mind you, but by my surrogate skating parent, Lady Cluck. She is insisting. "You have to be in the Spring Show! I'll have no reason to watch if you don't!"

This makes little sense to me as both her daughters skate. In fact, I'm putting together some dresses for their competition season. But whatever, I'll take any encouragement I can find at this point.

The theme is "Skating through the Day," and no one really seems to know what that means but seems rollable. Me, I always think I'd love to skate through the day until I hit hour four in skates and my feet and hips begin to loudly protest. Thing is, I don't really know how this theme could apply to adults, unless they want us skating in spandex blazers and skirts, waving reams of paper and copier toner to Donna Summer's "She Works Hard for the Money."

Maybe we could suspend one of the guys from the ceiling chained to a chair in a ball gag and spiked dog collar, make prop boxes of Skinny N' Sweet and do a number to "9 to 5" by Dolly Parton. (This is actually one of my anthems.)

Or we could do a series of RFOW3's to TCB by BTO. This seems like the best option.

At any rate, I will be in the show but only because my surrogate skating parent wants me to be. I do worry over what I will be made to wear. After sorting and handling and doing adjustments prefab skating costumes for awhile, I think they seem itchy and weirdly cut. Doubtless, this is the precise reason I lost the amount of weight that I did, I still worry. Do I really want Rink Coaches, who have been known to make jokes about the Fat Moms, knowing my measurements? (My kid tells me everything, gang.)

Who knows. It's not for me to decide. But Lady Cluck wants me to do it, and seeing as she is my surrogate skating parent, I don't want to let her down. Maybe by then I'll be turning better, or at least bending my knees.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Hi, I'm still Skating

So it's been awhile. I apologize. The holidays hit early, with me landing a gig lighting a holiday show, and frankly I didn't want to bore the Internet with the ongoing tale of me being interminably stuck in my skating. But I'm still at it, slowly chipping away at my current roadblock.

Which isn't to say I haven't picked up some new skills since the backwards crossover. I can do those pretty good, and I'm starting on the new "advanced" forward crossover which is kinda scary. In fact, I'd say I've picked up a pretty wide, if awkward, set of skating skills.

Let's go over the things I can do with a degree of skill:

I can do a pretty decent spiral. I can get both legs to hip level, and my right leg will actually get up a little higher.
I can do a decent Shoot the Duck. No, really. I can. It's pretty funny, because when I was showing someone they asked if the face I made was part of the element. I said yes.
I can *almost* do a lunge. Today I felt my right boot touch the ice, not just dragging the blade, and I counted that as a victory over my obstinate hamstring and quadricep.
I can do a Bunny Hop. Seriously. It's actually kinda fun after the first one.
I can do a Side-Toe-Hop from a LBO edge.
I can kinda spin on two feet. I can get around about three times before I get hit with the "Oh god where am I" sensation of dizziness and terror and I pull out of it.
I can do FO, FI, BO and BI edges, usually without looking unsteady or terrified.
I can kinda stop going backwards without hitching up on my toepicks. (And THAT was a tough habit to break, let me tell you.)
Yes, I can T-Stop. Even on a fresh edge, I can do it.
I can almost waltz jump. It's more like a hop/turn/ta-da kind of thing, but it's a start.
I can almost do forward crossrolls.
I can stagger through backwards crossrolls, which I figured had to be the same principle as forward, only backward. And it worked.

Now let's go over the things that are holding me back:

I can't turn. Which encompasses a vast blockage of skills.

I can do a RFO 3 turn with some regularity. I can do a LFO 3 turn, but I don't glide into or out of it. I just hit that edge and wing into it, throwing my free foot down before disaster strikes.
I can do a Right Mohawk but it's rough. There's no glide to speak of. Left side? My free foot stubbornly refuses to hit the instep of the skating foot, falling behind the skating foot and outside the circle. It's forced and awkward.
Inside Threes? Don't even ask.
Choctaw turns come to a grinding halt before I manage to get the free foot down.
Back to front mohawks do the same thing.
RBO three's give me nightmares, but I spend a few minutes doing back to front two foot turns every so often, just to feel myself "turning on the heel."

Turning is what is keeping me back.

I've identified a few culprits in my lack of turning ability.

1. I'm afraid to fall at 90 MPH. Speed is no issue, I'm not averse to going fast. In fact, I pick up speed pretty well. It's turning while moving fast that's the issue.
2. I don't have very good turnout to begin with, but on the ice it's magnified by 1000x.
3. I don't like to twist myself around. Master Shifu says I get stuck, and it's the terrible truth. I can't count the number of times I've found myself physically immobile and panicking on a rapidly deteriorating edge.

But before we get all maudlin about this, let's go over a few other things that have gone positively for me in the past few months.

Remember how I said I wanted to lose 35 pounds? Yeah, I've lost 38. I've taken eight inches off my waistline. I've gone from not being able to run three blocks to pushing three miles, three or four times a week. I'm registered for a damn 5K race, which my Running Friend encouraged me to do. I don't think I've ever been this healthy. Ever. Master Shifu asked if I'd done any other sports besides this, and the answer was "Competitive drinking." (I didn't say that.) Not the case now. Now I have a preferred tea. While stating this makes me feel as though my Butch card has been permanently revoked, physically I've never been better. Which isn't to say I don't still enjoy facets of my old life. The cooks at Five Guys love to watch me jump for joy as they proffer my bag of delicious junk food.

My left side which is my weaker, chickenshit side, had strained hamstring incident following a light hang and focus, which revealed a hip problem in physical therapy. The therapist said I was missing a significant degree of motion on that side, so I've been working on strengthening and loosening up that side. I have to stretch it out before and after (especially after) skating or running. While it looks like I'm being professional (or weird) with my post-skating hamstring and piriformis stretches, I'm actually just keeping myself mobile. If I don't do it, my left side is stiff and sore for the rest of the day. Part of me is a little envious of adult skaters who can wander off and on the ice without doing any warm-up or cool-down, but whatever. I roll with the punches. Besides, no one from the rink has seen me do Turnout Exercises while wating for my commuter train.

And now I can finally enjoy myself. The lady I used to skate with has since departed for another coach, but that's a longer story that I don't want to get into. (I have my theories.) But she was pretty competitive, and so I felt like I had to work myself hard just to keep up. With her gone, I'm more relaxed. Maybe I won't be crying in the car on the way home anymore. Can't turn? It'll happen. Eventually. My OCD has fits when I look at my practice videos, but even there I can see moments of improvement from week to week. Of course, now I worry that I will bore Master Shifu to tears, but hopefully the checks will stave that off.

I really like skating. When I skate in the mornings, the clock ticks to 6:55 and I think, "I need to get off and stretch but I want to stay here. This is more fun." I know there are people who must think I'm crazy to skate as much as I do, but other women do yoga or Zumba or pole dancing like there's no tomorrow and no one bats an eye. If this is the athletic activity that gets me off my ass, so be it. (Pole dancing is weirder.)

As an adult skater I feel a little removed from the Common Drama of the Rink. It's there, but it's largely background noise. It doesn't really affect me beyond Ice Time. I talk with the other moms, and I hear the "Competitions are expensive" and "my daughter is skating in the Freestyle 2 class but can't pass Gamma" and "I don't know what my daughter's coach is thinking," and I smile and nod. There's not much else I can do.

They ask me what ISI level I'm at, and I reply that I don't really care. (I'd peg myself as Gamma with some Delta skills, but I also have some FS1 skills. I'm all over the map.) ISI isn't really important to me. Let's test with the Big Kids.