Hey, I have another suggestion!

I'm just chock full of great ideas! Did you know that you have to provide your own music to competitions? Yes! They like them on CD's with your skater's name, skating level and whatever written on it. So, you can have them professionally cut and labeled, which is what I've seen from Big League skaters in our rink, or you can cut them yourself and scrawl on them with a Sharpie.

Most of us already spent our money on ice and coaches and whatnot, so the DIY and Scrawl method is pretty popular.

But it's not foolproof. We get undone by the CD player in the Rink. Yes, the ice monitors tell me that 50% of the CD's provided do not work, and this includes ours. The Skating Director tells me that it's because "so many different CD's cut by so many different computers make the machine dirty." I went so far as to donate a CD player that we had lying around, but I don't think it's being used. In fact, I worry that the July Comp may be undone by the fact I can't get our CD's to work at Home Rink. (They work fine everywhere else.)

But you know what? CD's are dumb. They're too easily damaged, kids wind up sorting through dozens of them like cards, (I once showed up to practice with the wrong music) and between cutting software to burner to player, there's too much room for error and I can't whistle like Woodstock in the event of a malfunction.



Here's a tip: MP3's on Flash Drives. If a family can cut their own music, they can bring a Flash Drive. Get a Netbook or cheap laptop, (you could probably score a used one off a skating family willing to donate) hook it up to the sound system and take Flash Drives. Tell the kids to bring them with luggage tags on them, and only have the one MP3 file on it which has been named SKATERNAME-MUSIC.  Ice Monitor loads up the music of the kids on that Practice Ice session, and it's just a click to cue it up. Delete everything when that session is over. No muss, no fuss, no loading and reloading, and Flash Drives can be re-used more easily than a RW CD.

Am I being overly simplistic? Has this been done before and failed miserably? Should I just go sit down?

"Should my child Compete?"

Here's another question newbie moms ask me.

My opinion? Sure! Why the heck not? If your kid has more than a passing interest in skating, then yes. It's not any different from a Little League game at this stage. Stitch enjoys it, it's an "end result" of all that falling they do, and everyone gets a cool prize at the end of the day.

But should you and your child? Here's a handy questionnaire to help you decide.

1. Does your child really enjoy skating?
a. Yes, he says he's having fun.
b. The Rink Guard had to pry him off the door when public skate ended.
c. She only likes skating when she doesn't fall down.

2. Can you garner critical information from people who may be obtuse, unavailable, arrogant or nonsensical?
a. I can usually make sense of random bits of jargon.
b. I don't leave until I get what I came for.
c. Fight fire with fire, is what I always say.

3. Do you enjoy being ignored or patronized when it comes to your child's interests and progress?
a. Just so long as he's learning to own his interests.
b. What? I was getting some coffee..
c. I have tattooed her school records and growth percentiles on my shins.

4. Are you always feeling too hot?
a. I tend to dress in layers.
b. Only my butt.
c. Are you going to use that scarf?

5. Can you watch your child crash and burn repeatedly? Not just in practice, but during the actual competition? Can you do it and not intervene?
a. I would be a little upset and scared for him.
b. As long as he doesn't do it worse than that Other Kid.
c. That won't happen, I took notes during practice and I can give choreography moves from the stands.

6. Are you prepared for a frank estimation of your child's abilities?
a. Put it to me gently, I think I can take it...
b. Why is the concession stand always out of Splenda?
c. My child is above average in every way, and I love to hear about it.

7. Can you listen to the same song more than six times in a single morning?
a. Sure, I like pop music.
b. Only if I remembered to refill the flask before I left.
c. Is it Berlioz? We played that for her in utero, so I'm used to it.

8. Do you enjoy surprise expenses?
a. No, but as long as I know what they're for...
b. I don't believe in surprise expenses.
c. Do you take cash?

9. Are you prepared to face children cuter/more talented/smarter than yours? Will you be able to speak civilly to their parents?
a. I was raised to be polite, so yes.
b. Time for more coffee.
c. I feel more sorry for those other children who will have to compete against mine.

10. Can you lose a crucial item and not freak out?
a. I try to carry spares of everything.
b. As long as there's no bleeding stump, sure.
c. WHAT DO YOU MEAN TARGET DOESN'T STOCK MONDOR?

11. Are you ready to witness clear instances of cheating where your child loses because of it?
a. Sometimes life is throws curves.
b. If I find that kid's shoes in the lobby, I'm gonna need to take them into the bathroom with me.
c. Only if I can berate every coach and official I meet, demanding to speak to the ISU president about this gross injustice.

12. Finally, are you prepared to face your child's massive post-competition ego complex?
a. If I can temper it with a lesson on good sportsmanship.
b. "Ask the nice man for a Shirley Temple. Mommy's gonna get a French 75."
c. Of course! She's earned every moment of it!

Tally:

Mostly A's: You are probably good to go. Just keep reminding yourself that no matter where your kid places, the sun will rise the next day and he will live to skate again.
Mostly B's: Yes, and when you get there, please sit next to me. Don't forget to take your kid home with you when you leave the rink.
Mostly C's: Competing is probably not good for you or your child, but your pharmacist will love you. Maybe you should find another activity. Try pottery.

Boys Don't Wear Pink

The work is on for Stitch's new program. He wants Pink Panther. Well, that's easy enough, but even Coach and I shared a laugh when she said, "So you'll dress him all in pink?"

Hahahahaha it's all fun and games until you discover that this is precisely what he wants.

"So, Stitch, Coach had the suggestion of all in black but with a sparkly pink bow tie. I think that would be nice."
"No. I have to be all in pink."
"Um. I don't think that's a good idea."
"Why not?"
"Because boys don't wear all pink."
"Why?"
"They just... don't..."
"But I have to be in pink. It's the PINK. PANTHER."
"But, that wouldn't... go over... well..."
"What's wrong with it?"

Because society as a whole decided that blue is for boys and pink is for girls and as much as I want to change the stupid arbitrary idiocy of the collective masses, I can't and I don't want any stupid Hockey Dads making snide comments about your outfit when what they should be doing is paying attention to how good you skate.

That's why.

I sketched a compromise. A dusty pink wraparound top, with black sparkle trim on the collar, cuffs, arms and waist, which would go down the leg with a pink accent. His good leg, in the event the spiral makes a surprise comeback. Stitch isn't 100% on board with it, but it's what I've got.

Life Lesson for Stitch: People are often lame.

What Kind of Blade Guards should I buy?

This is a weird question I get from time to time from the newbies. The question usually takes the form of, "Do we need those thingies? The blade thingies? You know..." Yes, I know, and if you've invested in a pair of skates worth more than $100, then you should just pony up the additional $12 or whatever for some Blade Thingies. Protect the investment, if nothing else to retain some resale value. The less you sharpen them, the more they stay worth, and guards lengthen the time between sharpenings. Also, Guards protect you, the Skate Mom or Dad. Little kids are incredibly clumsy with their feet (this isn't an insult, it's just true) so adding a steel blade at face level while you try to lace them, when kid is wriggling and turning and playing with their friends can turn into an act of death defiance. I've seen several moms coming away from lacing up their kids, bloodied and battered. Better to take the blunt end of a guard to the face or sandaled foot than a toepick.

There's a few kinds of guards out there, and by observation I've seen that some are more of a pain in the ass than others.

First up, Soakers are not guards. Especially the cutesy animal soakers. Nothing is more disturbing than a six year old girl walking through the lobby with decapitated kitties on her feet. Soakers are for storage only, and even then you still have to give the blades a quick wipedown with a cloth to nix all excess snow before you put them on. Otherwise too much moisture will build up within the fabric and they will mildew. That's just gross and defeats the purpose of the soaker. Soakers are to catch condensation while the blade is still cold, not to soak up the Slurpee you dragged after you when you left the rink. Having said that, you can escape soakers entirely by laying a towel down on the bottom of your skate bag. That's what I did for Stitch for the first year, and it worked beautifully. (But now we have Bunny Soakers and I want to jab a toepick in my eye every time I accidentally hit one and it goes "boing! boing! boing!" and Stitch is nowhere so I look foolish. Again.)

Guards seem to be a personal preference thing. I like the Guard Dog hard guards, the kind where you get the four pieces and you cut off and assemble to fit the blade. Yes, this does mean that you need to buy new guards whenever you upgrade blade size, but we've had the red guards for a few months now and they are absolutely disgusting. It wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't handling them every time I'm at the rink, but I always end up carting them around for at least a half hour and I always think I'm going to get leprosy or something. Worse, Coach is now using them as teaching aides every so often, and I've seen other Coaches use them as Relay Race batons. New ones with every blade set doesn't sound so bad.

You, however, should purchase the other kind, the one with the top that goes over the toepick and a hook over the back end of the blade. While I have seen that this variety is more of a pain in the rear, what with me hunting those hooks all during ice show because they chronically fell off and Other Mom was having a hissy fit, these are easier for me to swipe from the Lost and Found in event that Stitch loses his. All joking aside, I would not buy this kind. I have spent countless hours with small children hunting down and replacing those stupid hooks, and since the guards themselves are poorly marked, I can never tell where they had been placed to begin with. Terrible, terrible, flawed design.

What about this kind?  You know what, hey, if you've got that kind of cash and don't mind dropping $25.00 on something that gets lost as quickly as your sanity, go right ahead. But if Sparkle Queen is passing on the LED Seizure Inducer Guards, that's saying something.

Be as religious as possible with the guards. I've recently seen a Coach call a pair of new (expensive) blades "destroyed" because Mom never put the guards on and little kid was always running rampant in the lobby with skates on his feet. If Kid is in skates but off the ice for more than ten minutes (longer than a Zamboni pass), get the guards. There are blade mawing holes in that rubber flooring, just waiting for your kid to try an off-ice spin. Just don't forget to remind small children that they've got them on. Nothing more embarassing than getting on the rink and taking a dive in front of the other kids, but they usually only do it once. On the plus side, you look a little more professional with plain hard guards than you would sliding on your butt with the decapitated kitties.

Competition; Round #4

Stitch is sick again. Sort of. I caught it this time, so I sent him home in the middle of Public Skate. We had walked to the rink in the fair, yet still somewhat chilly, weather. I called Dad and said to come fetch him in the car, him and his scooter. I gave orders to change out of skating clothing and into more comfortable fare, set up a bed on the sofa and relax for the afternoon.

I stayed at the Rink, waiting on a Fabric delivery and to speak with Coach. The Fabric delivery never came, but Coach and I got a rare moment to talk about July. Yes, she encourages all her kids to do the July Comp, and yes, two events is fine. The music Stitch wants is great, and she had some suggestion for an outfit which I liked. We talked about the Spring Show and what Stitch is doing, and she says she'll brush him up on those elements. Not tricks, elements.

Yes, we'll be around for Mother's Day, which is shockingly next week. Mother's Day? I always seem to forget that this applies to me now. The Boys always seem confused about what to do and I am always confused as to how to accept it. I kind of wish we could just go on with a "thank you" every day instead of one yearly Big Thing which just gets awkward. Doubtless, it's hard to imagine gratitude when Stitch is near tears on a Reading assignment which is not up to my standards, but recently he did tell me he was glad I forced him to learn some subtraction in Kindergarten, as it was easier now.

The Babysitter once told me that she wished her mom had "forced her" to stay with skating, as she had broken ranks in Beta and quit. Now that she's trucking Stitch to his classes, she's seeing what might have been, and wishes for a mom who forced her to keep at it. Natch.

At any rate, I feel better about going forward. I'll cut some music and they can get to work. I already have a nice shirt for Compulsoris, Stitch can wear the pants he has now, but for the Basic Program I'll make something really nice. Coach is debating what level to put him at. Now that we've bucked everything and Stitch is learning fast, it's actually a problem. She was talking Freestyle 1 or 2. How this will work with the testing I don't know. I guess we'll find that out.

What also concerns me is that this ranking might put Stitch on the same level as Other Kid, his now Rival Skater. While I don't think we'll have any trouble beating him, I'm just concerned about how the increasingly open rivalry will play out. Other Kid may be less than impressed with Stitch's "tricks" during class and on Public Skate, but Other Kid has never seen Stitch open it up like he does when he's competing. Stitch skates to win. (Honestly, it would be akin to a matchup between Michael Jackson and Popeye.) The only way it would be more fun is if Richie Rich got involved, in which case I would open a betting table in the lobby. But I haven't seen Richie Rich in ages.

That's the weekend wrap. Next week is another week, full of more beads, gold fabric and a new pattern which may prove to be a challenge. I haven't read the instructions yet as I'm afraid of them. I put Stitch to bed early tonight after some needless babying. Already he is in better spirits and the fever is leaving. Half Lutz? Bring it.