Skating Paperwork -or- I need a Skate Mom

The past few weeks I have been doing a lot of paperwork. Skating paperwork. On the ice I'm doing MIF and choreography, off the ice I'm collecting signatures and watching deadlines. Frankly I'm only aware of one looming deadline, and I think everything else is square.

USFSA Membership Renewals

This is due. This was sent early this week. Requires my signature, a few checkboxes, some confusing membership classifications, none of which are and a check.

Test Forms

This got in way ahead of schedule, just because Coach Fab wanted to be absolutely sure I got on that session. Requires my signature, coach's signature, navigating some checkboxes, and a check. "You pay to test?" my colleagues ask. "What if you fail? You paid to fail?" In a sense, I tell them, all failure involves a form of payment. Cash is the least of the things you can lose.

Ice Contracts

Summer Ice needs contracting. The Adult Sessions are on the official calendar, whereas last year they were a word-of-mouth secret. So, to be sure I get a spot, I contracted. Those forms require my signature, a check, and a pinkie swear that I will obey the five pages of ice rules including the ones that say I have to enter the ice from the Zamboni side door and I won't start fights in the lobby. (I guess if you don't contract ice, it's Game On for Lobby fights. Yes, Lobby fights do happen.)

Competition Forms

Due in a few days. Actually, "must be postmarked" in a few days. What does this mean? When does the postal service do that? Whatever. Requires my signature, a waiver, a Club Officer's Signature, Coach's Signature, a check, choosing between a zillion checkboxes (mine was near the bottom) and swearing on my grandma's motorcycle that I'm a US Citizen and a USFS member and I'm good to compete at my stated level. I'm still one signature short but I'll have that done by end of day today, and will be mailed two days ahead of the deadline.

The Home Rink's Competition doesn't have their packet available just yet, but that also will require a check, more checkbox navigation and some signatures. I'm pretty sure that one will just be a Basic Skills comp and therefore much lower key than the other one.

Skating is starting to look like the easy part. I need to memorize my USFS number, and I need to get a stamp made of Coach Fab's Signature. I ordered two yards of dress fabric, and something else to meet the minimum order level, but seriously I have no idea what else I ordered. I've been so stacked with skating paperwork, dress patterns and sewing schedules (making two dresses for friends) I completely forgot and I'm too embarassed to call and ask, "Can you tell me what I ordered please?" I guess it will be a surprise. I think next year I'm going to hire someone to be my Skating Mom.

My Early Skating Influences

One of my first jobs was a drink vendor at Paramount's Kings Dominion, a theme park in Virginia. We were encouraged to ride the all the rides and see all the shows, so that when "guests" would ask us about them, we would have a valid answer. The Stage Show for that season was Star Trek On Ice. So I went to go see Star Trek On Ice.

Gentle Readers, I will not lie. I love Star Trek, and I love skating, but some things just don't mix. I laughed hysterically for forty five minutes. I wept when the "alien" creature was hefted up on a rope and spread her flourescent wings under a blacklight and was spun by a security officer underneath. The stage was so small, there were moments of NASCAR terror when a skater would land perilously near the edge of the stage. Nothing screams the 90's like ST:NG, and this was a quintessential 90's ice show.

When I got assigned the drink cart outside the theatre, the customers would ask me how the show was. All I could do was laugh, and they would walk away like I was insane. "GO SEE IT!!" I would call after them. "YOU WON'T REGRET IT!"

I never thought I'd see this masterpiece of unitards and fog and laser beams ever again. Imagine my delight when I casually googled this show, and I got a hit. Someone in their infinite wisdom recorded it, and put this beast on YouTube. So, I give you... Star Trek: ON ICE!!

BI3!

Coach Yoda is positive I can do Back Inside threes. "You should be doing these by now," were his exact words. But the physics of it has either escaped me or is lost on me, or I've just managed to convince myself that these are harder than they really are. Possibly both.

"I did try them this week," I assured him today. I didn't say I'd only tried them twice. I don't know why, they're not overtly scary. The worst I do is hitch up and turn on the pick, and catch myself with my other foot as I tumble sideways. There isn't the sheer terror I had when learning mohawks, just frustration.

"Try one now," he pointed out to the ice. So I did. I set up with a back crossover, got on an BI edge, brought the free foot forward, thought I turned my shoulders and rode up on the pick again.

"I'm panicking," I admitted. "I panic and ride up on the pick."

"You started off on the pick. Get off your picks."

 

At least he's honest.

I set up again. Back crossover, RBI edge, free foot forward, turn outside the circle and scrape, but it turned.

"You turned that time," Yoda pointed approval. "But stay off the picks. Turn your shoulders, not just your arms."

I set up yet again. Back crossover, RBI edge, free foot forward, turn everything above the waist outside the circle... and my blade flipped to a neat FO edge for about four inches. There was a satisfying shove from the blade itself as it happened, but quickly halted since I was slow going into the turn. But I did one! "That's one!" I said happily.

"Well, now you have to do more," Coach Yoda smiled.

I did try more, and I turned on every fifth attempt or so, and only RBI3's. But it was an auspicious start. Given the success I had with BO3's on both sides on Monday, backwards threes don't seem very much farther off. (Bend the knee coming out of the turn.)

Competition what what?

Ever since I started skating, I've wanted to compete. I don't know if it's because I'm competitive or I like performing or what, but the idea appeals to me so much. The excitement, the drama, all of it.

Yet it's never been mentioned in my direction. My first coach just didn't take me seriously about the whole thing and seemed to think I'd be content going in circles or doing ice dance. (No.) Coach Fab was getting me closer to the ideal by being serious about testing and getting the skating itself remarkably improved. But it was starting to frustrate me that I still wasn't competing. Moves is fun and all, but dammit I want to perform, and it seemed like the only way I was going to be able to truly perform was in competition. The Ice shows are okay, but adult skaters are so limited in what they can do. For my show solo I only had 53 seconds, which was practically nothing before I had to melt back into the adult group. Yes, I was frustrated.

Today Home Rink was closed, so I thought I'd miss my lesson. But Coach Fab is fabulous and he doesn't forget about me. He texted me saying he'd found some ice and could I come. Of course I said yes.

So I trucked to City Rink and bought an hour of ice, skating for a half hour before my lesson. My feet seemed annoyed since I'd worked all week thinking I'd have the day off the ice. They didn't want to skate. But I reminded them that we had a massage later on and please cooperate. So we did moves and spins, a few Salchows, waiting for Coach Fab to get done with his student and get to me.

He skated over and said he was sure about the test date, and also there was a competition we could try. I nearly died. Finally!! We didn't work on the program, just more Moves and Sit Spin (which is coming easier but I'm still on two feet. Have to bring the free leg around which is scary still... but it's getting there!)  He watched my five step mohawk and reminded me of when we'd started working together. "You only do five now. Before you did ten. But now you do it like the book." Yup, I remember. And now he was talking competing, which even if we don't do this one, it's on the table. I finally feel like I'm getting where I want to be!

Coach Fab had more kids to teach, but asked if I wanted to stay until ten to talk about it. I had to go, since I made a promise to my poor achy self that I had to keep.

Dr Magic shares his office with Massage Genius, who worked on my shoulders (BO8, BI8, BO3, BI3) lower back (edge pulls, BO3, BI3) quadriceps (edge pulls) my left leg and hip adductors (spirals, mohawks, extension and all the off-ice work I do to open up my hips) and my ankles which are always tight.He also dug into some muscle deep in my hip that i had no idea about, but felt better once he finished with it. When he got to my feet I thanked him profusely. We talked about different sports, and how the one that makes the participant happy is the best one for them. Apparently there is a fued between the Runners, the Pilates people and the Yoga people. The Crossfitters are too busy chucking trucks at each other to get involved. He does some form of yoga that seems tougher than most.

So, competing is a Thing now, and I'm so happy. I came home to go back to bed and thought about my revamp of the costume. See ya'll on the competition circuit real soon!!

Rain of Terror

It's late May and the weather is finally warming up here. The birds are nesting in the eaves of the building, squirrels are in the recycling bins fishing out half eaten granola bars, and you have to watch for the occasional lumbering skunk or possum in the early morning hour. But the Wildlife isn't limited to the outdoors.

Inside, the insects are blossoming as indoor insects will always do. The problem is, a great majority of them make their homes in the rafters above the rink between the steel ceiling and the insulating sheet. There's a lot of holes in that sheet. And bugs and spiders are raining down onto the ice with terrifying regularity.

Spiders are most common, tumbling down onto the ice where they get about a minute of scurry time before they start to slow down.

Spider on the ice!!!

I happen to love spiders, so if I can catch one just as he's slowing down, I'll warm him up and deposit him outside. Even a spider that seems frozen can sometimes be revived with some warm hands. A pair of male skaters were once circling a recently stopped spider of considerable size. I picked up the poor thing, whereupon male skaters freaked out and thought me crazy. I am a terrible person and could not resist chasing one of them with the spider, who was warming up and starting to scurry again. Where I come from, it's bad luck to kill a spider, so I figure saving them is good luck.

We also have House Millipedes that fall. I do not like house millipedes, a.k.a. Eyelash Bugs. Those things can freeze in hell for all I care, and for some reason we have kamikaze millipedes that seem to wait until I am right underneath them to drop. Maybe with my Catch and Release Spider Program, I'm hoping some of these spiders will remember my kindness and eat some of these hateful millipedes.

50 Pairs of Harlicks, please. I Pronate.

 

This morning I was practicing my Lunge/3-Turn manuever and realized I was on a lunging course with a centipede frozen to the ice. I tried to alter course, but there was an ice bump right on the inside three turn path, so I had no choice but to collapse the lunge rather than touch a centipede that might still have some scurry to it. (No, it was not a large centipede but it was ugly.)
Fortunately none of my millipede or centipede encounters have happened with my coaches present. I have managed to fool both of them into thinking I am a strong, brave woman ready to try most anything. If they saw a millipede land on me, my carefully crafted image would be shattered as I leaped in terror screaming "GET IT OFF ME GET IT OFF ME!!" And as much as I love Spiders, I don't like Surprise Spiders.

I know lots of my fellow skaters don't like the spiders, but maybe the Spiders are just like us. They just want to dance.

I iz John Curry Peeplez!!