Ice Moms: This is a Very Bad Idea

So, as it turns out, the show "Kids on Ice" will not really be called "Kids on Ice." Guess what they're really calling it? "Ice Moms." Are you shocked? I'm not shocked.

Read about it here. http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/dance-moms-lifetime-ice-moms-285090

I've been reading various mom and culture blogs about the notions of the shows "Toddlers and Tiaras" and "Dance Moms" as Exploitative Child Abuse, and I have to say that, after some thought, I agree with this notion.

But, Skate Mom, aren't Child Abuse and Exploitation strong words to be using?

Nope. Here's why, and here's why you should not watch the upcoming Lifetime travesty "Ice Moms":

You know your figure skating child. You know how many hours they spend in lessons, in practice, doing the same move, over and over. You know how frustrated they get when they get stuck on something. You know how much heart they put into competing, how much they want to win. Agreed, emotions and tensions can run high. The Good Moments are really Good, and sharing them with the world can be a great High.

But, consider this: Imagine your child suffering a devastating loss. When Stitch was in that dressing room, berating himself for an all-too-human lapse in memory, nearly in tears, how horrible would it have been to stick a TV Camera in his face and show this agonizing process for all the world? And do you really believe my positive encouragement would have made it past the editors? Or, looking to make me a monster in search of ratings, they showed only my strong words of "get over it, focus on next time," and left my words of love and encouragement on the cutting room floor?

Imagine your daughter throwing her heart into passing that Freestyle test, giving it her all, and coming up short. You've seen the tears. You've held the little sobbing body. Now, invite a TV Camera to join in. And then you can read about how everyone in the process is a total failure in the gossip rags the next day. How does that sound?

How would you feel if, during a time when you were at your worst, felt your most low, someone, without your permission, authorized a TV camera to show up and broadcast your agony? And there was nothing you could do to stop it?

That's what these kids are being subjected to, and I consider it abusive.

Part of my Parenting Philosophy is to remember how hard it is sometimes to be a child. When I remember some of my "Hard Moments" as a child, I am sickened at the notion of someone putting that on TV.

But that's not my only opinion:

I think this show is going to do nothing but solidify the Mythology surrounding this sport that keeps many from being involved: That you Figure Skate Competitively or you're wasting your time. The Recreational Figure Skater, as I predicted, will have no place in this show, and that's a crying shame. It's leaving out the Adults as the Friendliest Folks at the Rink, the Older Teens who knock you dead during Ice Shows, the Synchro Girls with their snappy swishes of skates moving in unison. Nope. No place here.

We want Singles, and we want them with an "Explosive Dynamic!"

I think this show will give what the general public expects of Figure Skating: The Miniature Dynamo with Unlimited Funds, with the Pushy Coach and a Starry Eyed Mom who misses the entire point of Parenting.

It will not, in any way, present the wonderful positives that can come from learning and excelling in a challenging sport for the Average Kid and their Average Family.

Folks, I'm asking you to Boycott TV Shows that get their ratings from Child Exploitation. This means "Toddlers and Tiaras," "Dance Moms," and yes, "Ice Moms." If someone wants to stuff their house full of crap and eat couch cushions ("Hoarders", "My Weird Addiction") that's their business. They aren't hurting anyone but themselves.

But to put a child's delicate and developing psyche on public display is an egregious offense. I'm calling on USFSA and ISI to come out against crap like this. I have no issue with people raising their children to be Competitive Figure Skaters if that's a shared objective. What I have a problem with is exposing them to the harsh judge and jury that is Reality TV.

Do not watch. Boycott.

Stop talking about Axels!

Last night in the stands, I was looking for one good toe loop. The boys were doing great, but MsV kept asking, "Is that an Axel? Are they learning Axels?"
"No, looks like a toe loop."
"How can you tell?"
"It's got a toe assist. Watch."
"When do they learn Axels?"
"Freestyle five. Not for awhile. All the other jumps come first."
"Oh. Why is that?"
"Axel has a forward entry, so it's a rotation and a half. It's a half rotation harder."
"What about double Axel?"
"Two and a half. Then they can start triples. But that's not now." Or possibly ever.
"But olympic boys do quadruple jumps, right?"
"Yes, some olympic men have quads."
"Is that a triple Axel?"
"No. Triple Axel is three and a half rotations."
"Do girls do quadruple jumps?"
"Some can, but not many."
"But they all do triple jumps."
"Yes. Anyone who is serious does triple jumps."

At that moment one of the Primo Skaters flew by into a double or triple jump. "He's so good," said MsV wistfully.
"His jumps aren't high enough," my mood was soured. "Watch. He's not getting high enough in the air, so it borks his landings and screws up his combos."

Sure enough, Primo Skater jumped into a wonky double, landed badly and fell on the second jump which he singled.

"He's got a good spin," she said.
"His sit spin isn't low enough."

She then started talking about how she ran into Coach at opening night at the Opera, then about waiting lists for private schools and how it would be so hard for a private school child to transition to a public school and I was done. "I mean, it's such a different environment," she must have realized what she was saying, and I was so tempted to say, "Oh yes, in with the riffraff like us. It's awful. We're all dealing drugs and none of the kids can read so we just have cage matches in the lunchroom." I wanted nothing more than a beer. A cheap beer.

"Another student goes to private school and does five lessons a week," remarked MsV. "She's so very good."
"I can't afford that." And amazingly, Stitch is still good.

And at that, the conversation ended.

I don't know why all that depressed me so much.

Rink Pal came to my rescue, giving Stitch a skating Snoopy pin for his jacket. I may not have much, but I do have a lot of friends.

It's the Jumping, Stupid

From day one, jumping has flummoxed Stitch. His two foot hops barely made it off the ice. They make it about three inches off the ice now. He just has some issue jumping.

Tonight we stepped out into the cool evening and he ran laps, did stretching, and, yes, jumped. Not very high. "Stitch, is that as high as you can jump?"
"Yes!"
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure!"

I had him try on the stairs, but it wasn't much better.

"Stitch, is all this complaining because you're having trouble jumping?"
"Yes."

Well, I don't think that's the entire issue, but I think this is a big factor. With the sudden heavy emphasis on jumping, he's likely feeling a little inferior. I can get that.

"well, let's work on jumping then. You can do this."
"okay."

Okay then. It's all the more reason to enforce the "jumping up the stairs" bit that Coach wants. Build up his little leg strength. I can do that.

(PS; Typing on a touch screen really aggravates Carpal Tunnel. I had to break out the ice pack for the first time in months.)

The Stuff of Figure Skating

My old college backpack has more miles on it now than was ever intended. Between short trips through parking lots, to now walking to the Rink on weekends, her wheels are rough, her fabric is tearing, and there's big holes on the sides where Stitch has dragged it along the cement walls. It still has salt stains from Winter and mud splotches from this wet Spring. She won't last much longer.

I think it's time that he got his Zuca. I've already initiated conversations with the grandparents, who have never known what to get him. Ideally he should have one when he gets back in the fall. I think that would be a nice, "Welcome home, Get Back to Work," gift.

I've been watching every secondhand site I know for a used frame. One would think with the number of girls who drop out of skating, there would be plenty of used Zucas on the market. There aren't. In fact, I have become convinced that the Zuca manufacturer either has some kind of agreement that you won't sell the item after you buy it or they buy all the used ones up and refurbish them. And I just need the frame. I don't care if the used one comes with a purple glitter cover, I can tear that off. I don't really care if it's white, I've got a friend who can powder coat for me. Stitch's cover of choice is one of the cheapest options. (I'm bidding on a used Zuca now on eBay, but if history is any judge, I'll be outbid at close to retail price which I won't do. I try not to pay retail. If any readers are hoarding a used frame, please let me know. I won't tell Zuca and get you in trouble!)

And it's not just Zucas. It's Chloe Noel, the "uniform" of the skating girl. It's Sparkle soakers. It's Zeets for your Zuca. It's the glitter velvet dress. It's Joshua Jewel. (Google it and weep.) It's crystal encrusted gloves, which they lost the mate to so one hand looks like Where's Waldo and the other looks like Princess Aurora. It's the skates themselves, which are expensive to begin with but you can trick out with glitter treatments and the Skate Techs are always trying to upsell some kind of marine waterproofing treatment for them which I totally get but would think that would be part of the general package of buying an expensive pair of skates. It's headbands, crash pads, special tights, special journals, spin trainers, jump ropes, some kind of special bungee cord set that comes with a video, and skate towels because that old washcloth you were using just isn't good enough. I'm shocked there's no special skate polish for boys and I can get away with basic Kiwi. I escape a decent portion of the Skating Gak simply because I have a boy, but commercially produced boy's skatewear is insanely priced.

Skating is an expensive sport. But I've come to understand that there are things that are priority, and everything else is detritus. Number one is skates. Number two is coaching. Number three is ice time. Then there's a mysterious Fourth Element which I can't buy at all and that's Discipline. I get to teach that one.

I've observed that the amount and cost of Skating Gear on any particular skater exists in reverse proportion to actual skating ability. The girl who owns a crystal Zuca, some pretty high test skates, a coordinating Chloe Noel outfit, and LED guards? She's in Beta and she's been there for awhile. The young woman skating in torn tights, warmup capris and a t-shirt, carries her battered skates in an old backpack and I've never seen her with soakers? She's getting ready for Regionals. The little mite in the pretty skating dress is struggling with edges, but the kid who looks like she's just in her play clothes has them down. Now this isn't always true, but it's a pretty good general rule. So, anytime I see some chick with a super-fancy Zuca and super fancy accessories, I never assume she is a halfway decent skater. In fact, the more stuff I see, the more I roll my eyes and wait to watch her skate.

My hesitation in buying a Zuca for Stitch is only halfway about money. Yes, I'm balking at price, but I want Stitch to understand that having the accessory doesn't give you the skill. As Dad says, "I could own a BMW, doesn't mean I can drive." Gordon will be getting his pretty soon, and I kind of want to ask Stitch if the Zuca makes Gordon skate any better. Does the Zeet smooth out the back crossover? Do LED Guards make the jump higher? Does the glitter soaker make edges easier? I think it would be cool to be the kid who shows up with an old bag, nothing but skates and a killer mindset. But then, I'm not (nearly) eight anymore.

Teaching Kids to Eat

Last night was All Friends Night at public skate. (I've realized that I'm going to have to be more careful in my blogging, as I've narrowed us down to one of a handful of kids.) Stitch had two friends from school and Other Kid who he usually skates with. Other Kid showed up eating an ice cream cone, but loudly said "I should not be eating this, skaters do not eat junk food."

"Who says?" I ask, ever the defender of a kid's right to Kidfood like Lucky Charms and Creme Eggs.

"My Coach."

I know who he's referring to and I roll my eyes.

All the kids get skates on and start playing. Friends from school start Not Practicing, while their mom rolls her eyes. We chat and laugh, encourage Friends to "go backward! do crossovers! Practice!" all to no avail.

One of the Friends takes a hard fall to the knee and exits the ice, sobbing. Stitch comes out to assure that she's okay, then asks me for a dollar. "What for?"

"I want to get friend a treat, because she fell."

Well, that's sweet as pie, but wait until resurface. "So she can sit and enjoy it, okay?"

Stitch agrees to wait, and goes back to playing.

The group gets moved to the big rink, and a cheer goes up from the children. Stitch takes this moment to get Friends some candy and himself a soda. Other Kid spots this and shakes his head. "Soda is the enemy of the figure skater."

"Is that what your coach says?" I ask.

"Yeah."

"Good thing she's not Stitch's coach, then. He can eat whatever he wants."

Other Kid doesn't like this answer and frowns. If he only knew that we hit the McD's drive thru on the way home that night. Today I spotted him, holding a candy bar from his mom's purse, while a fellow skater chastised him. "Don't do it! Don't eat it!" Neither of these kids were over twelve. I just walked away.

Folks, this is how Eating Disorders take root. It starts real small, like that Mustard Seed you learned about in church. Small Rules and Rituals. No Soda. No Candy. No Junk. This sounds okay on the surface. But then some people take it too far. Nothing other than water or coffee (black). No Candy, ever. Junk food? Let's talk binging/purging. Apples, one slice at a time to savor it. Cans of tuna are only 80 calories. Mustard is calorie free and flavors everything. No food at all after 6pm or before 8am. I've seen a lot of this in the theatre, and there are always horror stories coming from the Gymnastics people.

I have a real issue with this coach putting restrictions on her kid's eating, even if she just does it in passing or "for fun." She's in a position of authority, and some of these girls look at her like Juno herself. She has the power to set up a negative association with food, whether she likes it or not, and all it's going to take is a few comments like "soda is the enemy."

Soda is not your enemy. Soda, every so often and in a moderate quantity, so no worse than candy, also fine in moderation. Kids need to be taught what is junk food and what is not, and that it's okay to have "junk food" every once in awhile because (face it) it tastes real good and is a great treat.

Coach hasn't said word one to me about Stitch's eating, beyond "give him some coffee" before group lessons to make him pay attention. If she ever does I'd be curious to see what she'd say. If she starts telling me to restrict during these years, pre-pubescent up to 16, I would question that. I keep Stitch on a pretty even keel of the Basic Food groups, but I don't cut fat or count calories because he looks like a twig in his skinny jeans. I typically don't keep chips, cookies, or stuff like that in the house, and when I do buy it I earmark it "as a treat." Yes, we do eat fast food on occasion because I love cheeseburgers and french fries and Chicago style hot dogs. But last night at the drive thru was my first time having red meat since last week and been to McD's I can't remember when. (I only remember my last cheeseburger because it was the Speedskating Meet.) Even Stitch said, "this is really good, but we can't do this all the time."

Nope, this was a treat since it was late and we were starved.

If anyone wants a great goulash recipe, or homemade pasta sauce, chicken stock, or vegetable minestrone, I'd be happy to share. Cutting kids off from junk food, rather than teaching them how to enjoy it, is a critical error. There's really no such thing as a Diet, it's all a bunch of daily choices with an overall goal of good health. Having some candy every now and then never hurt anyone, figure skater or otherwise.

Pass the cheetos.