Was it really a bad practice?

I didn't have a great practice this morning. Typically, Tuesday is edge/turn/figure day, where I just focus on edges, posture, good turns and that kind of thing. It's not as physically demanding, which is nice coming off the weekend which nearly kills me and then Monday Lessons where I get pushed way out of my comfort zone.

But the ice show is this weekend, so my training schedule has taken a little hiccup. I'm cramming in Main Ice time, so I hit the big ice today.

Little changes to the training routine make a huge difference. Skating all-out on sore muscles hurt, and I was slow, and small in my movements. I knew I wasn't doing well, but I pushed on anyway. I nearly took myself out on a FO3, which was silly and frustrated me. I was scared to do spirals given that I was shaking a bit in the hamstrings.

A new skater was out there, and she was doing some pretty good crossrolls, forward and back, with some nice chasses and mohawks all around. I had to keep note of where she was, and I kept noticing that was all she did. No jumps, no spins, no spirals... it kind of confused me. I mean, she looked great, but she just had that one thing she was doing.

Well, I was still sucking. And I figured, if I'm sucking this hard at the things I'm good at, why not just go ahead and suck harder and do the things I'm bad at. So I turned to FI3/FO3 patterns and alternating mohawks, FO3's with tap toes, Toe Loops with a full on entry, and eventually I got up to doing the Spirals I'd been scared of earlier in the session. And I walked away not wholly pleased with how I'd done, but happy with the fact I'd done things I typically shy away from because I suck at them. And if Amazing Crossroll Person thought me slow and awkward, well, I was and I don't really care. I hate FI3's. I'm better at them, but I hate them.

It's too easy to spend an entire session focusing on the things we're good at. I once did Forward Crossrolls for an hour, and you bet they looked better the next day. But no one does a minute and a half of Forward Crossrolls in a program. When I was starting out, I'd spend half the session on Crossovers. I have great crossovers. But my mohawks and turns lagged behind, and now I'm paying the price. Looking awkward for a few months is a small price to pay for being fully rounded later on.

　

　

So, suck on, people. Because....

"Why are you doing USFS?"

I ran into a fellow adult skater last night. We hadn't seen each other in awhile and so it was nice to catch up. He asked me what I was up to, and I said I was a hare shy of being ready to test Pre-Bronze. He looked at me funny and said, "That's not ISI, is it?"

No, it's not. That's USFSA.

"Isn't that too serious? I mean, ISI is fun."
"I guess, but I like the seriousness. Being too laid back about it isn't great either."
"Well, ISI is serious too, but..." and he trailed off and shrugged. "But whatever you want to do I guess."

That's true. This is what I want to do. Over the past two months, my off-ice training partner has noted I've become more focused, more serious. I've noticed it too, and I like that. "Is skating still fun for you?" He asked me, looking concerned.

"Are you kidding? This is the most fun I've ever had with it. I am having a blast!"

And it's the absolute truth. As much as a formal test can be intimidating, it's kinda fun, too. Formality doesn't mean No Fun. The trick with Formality is learning to have fun within the structure. As Picasso said, "Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist."

The American South has a bad reputation of being full of ignorant hillbillies living in trailers, shopping at Wal Mart and wearing offensive tee shirts. Which isn't to say I haven't worn an offensive tee shirt, I have, but the South was a place of gentility and grace before it got a nasty reputation. I grew up learning about forks and spoons and what to say and how to dress, palling around with little old ladies at formal little parties and gatherings. And it's here you learn how to eat as much lobster bisque as possible at a buffet without looking like a total pig.

As a girl, I was involved in a branch of the Masons. If you want formal, they have it. Little old ladies measuring the distance between the knots in your silly ritual wear, and hissing a bit if you didn't square your corners just right when crossing the room. Skating likes to think it's the only activity with an underwear fetish, but I've got more experience with straps, no straps, tights, slips, "a red thong, really? flesh tone only please," pasties and some other device we nicknamed "The Madonna" after a music video from the 80's. ("Sharon, do you have The Madonna? I need it for the dance next weekend.") I've had rulers taken to my hemlines and necklines, had my steps measured so I crossed the room correctly, and ritual work was no joke for these blue-haired adorable old women.

But for some reason it was fun. I don't get it either, because I can see where it might become stifling and awkward and frustrating. But for me, it was like a game. I still don't know what you win, but it was a fun game to play by the rules and get it right. If you lose, you always get another chance.

Skating is like this. Turn here, do it just this way, tuck in your laces because they're distracting, and for god's sake act like a lady. This appeals to me. I'm sure ISI is a fine program, but it lacks the formality, the fun little game, that I like playing. And I think what's hilarious is if you get the test part wrong and fall, how can you not laugh? Here everyone is, all dressed up and stuffy and prim, and you wind up sprawled on your butt, wet and cold in a spangled leotard? Skating has this veneer of being so graceful and elegant and whatever, but we're all well aware of some ridiculous things that happen in the name of "grace." (Don't eat too much before training or you'll puke. Watch what you say, know who will get the message because making gossip work for you is an art form.) How is that not funny?

I'm not doing USFS because I think it's better, it's just better for me. And I'm getting excited about it!

Crazy Skates I have Seen

I am a volunteer Rink Guard on weekends. I started doing it as a way to break in my skates, but I kept on doing it because it's fun and I like the people at the rink.

That having been said, I have seen some crazy things. Mostly crazy skates. Some of the things people step on the ice with amaze me, and the things people strap on their kids feet is even more amazing.

Let's start off with my words on skates: Skates are how you and the ice communicate, it's the foundation of your relationship. And like any relationship, it's built on trust. If you don't trust your skates, you won't do well.

Rental Skates

　

 

Rentals are typically fine, but there are the people who will clomp up our cement stairs while wearing them and hence ruin the blades. There's no way to tell which skates have been worn on the cement, so when you get your rentals, run your finger along the blade. Does it feel a little sharp? Some semblance of an edge? Great. When you put them on, do your ankles cave? If they do, trade in that pair for a different pair that's not so broken down.

Rentals are just fine if you tool around once or twice a year. I've seen people do spins and jumps in Rentals. These people deserve medals.

　

Sports Store Skates

I started off in a pair kinda like these. Not a lot of ankle support, and my toes swam in the front. Again, just fine if you tool around every so often. However, these skates are not great for lessons or skating in frequently. I see these skates on a few kids once a week, and they are breaking down at an incredibly fast rate. These kids, their ankles get lower every week and I cringe every time one of them jumps. Word to the Wise: If you are seeing deep creases in the boots of your kid's skates, they are in the wrong skates. If you're doing skating lessons, get the most out of those lessons and invest in some actual skates.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

I have no idea what these are. Not quite hockey skates, not figure skates, but some kind of mutant demon skate that seems to exist only to frustrate small children. Some of them even come with some little pick on the front. Why is this? On a skate like this, it's like an engineered trip hazard. The copy on the ad says they are adjustable, but how adjustable can they be? And waterproof? Well, yeah, they are all hard plastic. Naturally they are waterproof. These seem heavy, you can hear kids clunking around in these. And their legs do not bend. It's like the skate locked their ankle into place and their knees just followed suit. The worst part is that you can see the longing look in the eyes of the girls stuck in these things as they watch the figure skaters in the center. I hate these things.

Double Runners

There was a huge jump in the appearance of these hellish things right after Christmas. Suddenly every tot in the neighborhood had a pair and was out on Public Ice, trotting three steps and falling forwards. Or trying to push forward and falling flat. Or Jumping on double runners and taking out the hapless passerby on their way down. This is my unbridled opinion on Double Runners: Dangerous. As. Hell.

The whole idea of an ice skate is that motion holds you up, not just sheer balance. The whole idea of "balancing" on a Double Runner is stupid because it's wrong. And in reality, if you consider Inside and Outside edges, all skates are actually double runners. So, parents thinking of starting their kids off in Double Runners, let me state here that it's the Double Runnered kids who fall more frequently and harder than kids in actual skates. This includes toddlers. These things are a menace.

No.

There was some poor tot out in a set of these some weekend, being pushed along by his frantic dad. They were falling off every three seconds and I was tailing close behind to pick up whatever this is when it finally came off the kid's shoe. I don't know what these are but the website says it is a BOB skate. Maybe that's an acronym for Breaking One's Bones.

Soft Booted Skates

Riedell makes these, and they are pretty decent skates. Stitch started off in a pair and they served him well up through Beta. I've seen adults do great in these, also up to Beta. I saw an adult skater doing catchfoot spirals in these at some point. My problem with these is that they don't seem to allow a lot of ankle bend. I've never worn them so I don't know. But these seem like a great option for recreational skating.

Barbie Skates

Yeah, I've seen these out on Public. I ignore a lot of things. Note the useless toepick, because Barbie apparently hates small children.

　

　

Freeskate Friday

I am in the process of breaking my Sugar Habit. Anyone around between public skate sessions on Saturdays has seen me come back from 7-11 with bags of Sour Patch Kids, gummy bears, and whatever else got my eye, but bottom line, I am a sugar addict. And it has to stop. Reality hit me when I realized I went through two five pound bags of candy hearts between February tenth and March fifteenth, Stitch and I went through about six boxes of Peeps, one white chocolate rabbit and two bags of Cadbury mini-eggs over Easter, I found five empty bags of skittles in my car while cleaning it out, and in a fit of desparation I raided a co-worker's desk of his M&M's while he was on vacation. I replaced the bag before he came back.

I'm trying to substitute the refined sugars with things like apples and strawberries and whatever other pathetic fruits don't come close to Twizzlers, but more often than not I find myself sucking down Splenda and Coffee like a deprived animal. I've done some reading, and sugar withdrawal is a real thing; with irritability and anxiety being the primary symptoms. Perhaps I should not work as a Rink Guard this weekend. ("Sir, get your street shoes off the ice before I cram them where the zamboni doesn't go.")

But here is a skate to lighten my mood. It's been raining nonstop here this week, so it's fitting that we should just sing it out.


　

　

(I would kill someone for a Snickers bar, seriously.)

Historical Thursday: It's "Figure" skating, after all.

I like reading crazy old skating books. They're usually written by some stuffy Harvard Dude who starts off by telling you about his knickers and then graduates into quotes from "The Tempest" before going into minute details about rockers, counters and change edge figures. I like to try the Backwards Change Edge figures when I have some spare time on the ice, and they are a challenge. I usually end up miles off course on a flat, free foot off to my side as I scramble for balance.

The commonality of all these books is that just about all of them written by older men. The Illustrations are of older men and sometimes women, but none of these people look under twenty. I began to wonder just what happened here: When did this sport get taken over by kids to the point where adults are now the anomaly?

I have parents of skaters tell me they can't stand up on the ice, much less do what their daughters do. Nonsense. Skating is not much more than time, patience, muscle memory and money. With enough of these four things, you can skate. But it seems that the overpopulation of Young Girls out there has either frightened off or convinced all the Adults that they can't skate, and if they can, there's only "so far" you can go.

Horseshit. It's not a question of distance, but direction.

All these skating books written by adults feature edges, figures, turns. We're talking difficult figures that are every bit as challenging as the Salchow I'm working on, if not moreso. Most of these books don't even mention jumps, but wax poetic about body position, free foot holds, and leans into hard turns. Think it's easy? I once cut a deep gouge on a stupid FO3 turn, an easy turn I keep thinking I've finally mastered. I still screw it up royally from time to time.

This book is one of my favorites on Olde Timey Skating, and the diagrams in this one have proven maddeningly fun. It also has the actual diagrams for writing in cursive on the ice.

I had an Adult Skater tell me that she would never get past Freestyle, simply because she had a firm rule that her feet would never leave the ice. Total nonsense. This woman could study Patch and School Figures, and bested the kids every damn time, because the kids just don't care about Figures. Adults are being sold on the Jumping Bill of Goods, and if they aren't jumping well or at all, then they aren't skating.

Historically, this is completely inaccurate. The whole Jumping/Spinning/Gymnastics thing didn't really come into play until this chick came along. Before Sonia, figure skating was precisely that: Figure Skating. People out with friends for a quiet afternoon of tracing complex and difficult patterns in the ice, and any jumps or spirals they did were gravy. One book even advises you on what lunch to pack. I can't think of a better way to spend a free afternoon. A lot of Figures from these books involve two, three and four people, with a "Caller" who tells everyone when to turn. I can't even imagine how much fun this could be, given that skating can be such an isolating sport. (You'd either all be fast friends or kill each other by the end of it.)

I once got told that if I couldn't spin, "you should just quit now." I'm not joking, I wish I were. My spin might be my most troublesome element, but I'm not giving up on it. (Did that person really want me to quit? Maybe, but Fat Chance!) More than that, even if I never learn to spin or jump well, I don't have to quit skating. I can switch disciplines and every day can be "Edge/Turn/Figure" day. Does this mean I'm not really "Skating?" Of course not. But Coach assures me that the spin will happen, so I'm holding on to that at present.

People ask me what I'm going to do when I'm too old to skate. That day won't ever happen, because Skating doesn't equate with jumps and ice aerobatics. When I get old I plan on bringing my orange with me to "mark my center" as I learn this "Forward Once and Back" thing, and try to figure out how to write my name in the ice. I might even wear my silk bloomers and a big feather hat when I compete.

Actually, I think I can do this now...