Saturday, September 24, 2011

How to Gossip; Avoiding Hurt Feelings

In spite of all the crabbing I do here, I really do like people. I talk to just about everyone and I like to make friends. But of course, sometimes you have friends that aren't friends with your other friends, or you talk to clueless people who derive opinions about others from third parties and not on their own. This can sometimes lead to awkward situations.

Some what do you do when friend A runs up and tells you something untrue and/or horrible about your friend B that she heard from friend C? Well, I know that Friend A is relatively clueless, and Friend B and C have their own thing going on that I'm not privy to. Do I think it was wrong of Friend C to diss B to clueless A? Yep, but what's done is done.

In this instance, to avoid drama, politely STFU. Here's why:

Again, A is clueless. Nothing is going to change that, so don't waste time refuting whatever she heard from C. In this case, I stated that I thought differently and offered nothing further. Friend A tried to goad me on, continuing to say awful things, but I restated my position and changed the subject. Friend A tried a few more times, but eventually she gave up and went away.

I'm also not going to go running to B to let her know what was said, because the only thing that can come of that is hurt feelings. I'm not going to march up to C and tell her she's wrong, because she's entitled to her opinions, doing so would only damage our relationship, and someone would get hurt. Further, the conversation between A and C was just that, between A and C. Had C come to me and said B was a psycho, at that point I could have refuted her. But that didn't happen, and I doubt it will, so I'm letting this one go.

When you're as bad a gossiphound as me, it's important to have a neutral third party you can spill things to. Preferably someone with no knowledge at all of anyone you're talking about. So of course I went right to Friend D and told her everything. She asked me why in the world I hang out with such people and bought me another drink.

1 comment:

  1. It is worse when when A, B, and C are all coaches and you are neutral party D to everyone. On one hand, you get ALL the gossip. On the other hand, you can't unload on anyone or do a darned thing about the goings-on because they are coaches. And talking about coaches is a big no-no. Ah well. Trade offs, I guess.