Skatemares and Showmares

It's not good when I'm having skatemares about the Holiday Show and it's only August. But the dream itself was pretty telling in its reveal of what I am afraid of...

I showed up to the audition alone. My skating partner was not with me. What made this bad was that there was some kind of procession of everyone auditioning, and I was very obviously alone.

I brought my show/character dress and not my audition/test dress. I had already remade the skirt portion so it was longer and fuller, and my legs were swimming in heavy fabric. (Something I'm planning to do but haven't done yet.)

I forgot my tights, and had no socks. I was asking to borrow tights.

We had absolutely no program, and I knew it. I had no idea what to do. When I finally met up with my skating partner, I asked "What are we skating?" in a very sardonic tone. He was in his costume and skates and looking very relaxed while I was struggling with the skirt and only in one skate.

"Oh, I don't know, it doesn't matter," he replied blithely, and disappeared again. I immediately began piecing some moves together, figuring no one really knew what our program was anyway. Partner could follow along or not.

This dream is fairly clear: I am afraid of being alone and completely unprepared.

I won't say last year was a disaster, it wasn't. But it was Hard. I'm already taking steps to avert the Hard as much as I can, but there are things beyond my control that happened last year that can still happen this year. I know Circumstances are very, very different this year, but I can't make people do things they are unwilling or unable to do. I can't make people be at practice and on time. I can't make people focus or be supportive and positive. But this year I am either a part of a Team or I'm not. If I'm not part of a Team, then I'm out the door.

If this makes me "Dramatic," so be it. Contrarily, I think setting clear expectations like this affirms my position on "No Drama." I just need to remember my cardinal rule: My skating serves to make me happy. If it doesn't make me happy, then it's not worth my time.