Friday, January 14, 2011

If Skate Parents had Levels

This is what I would imagine them to be:

Beginning Glove Organization (all match)
Basic Skate Tying (Top Lace Hooks Only)
Cold Butt
Class Schedule Comprehension
Beginning Forced Conversation (polite, cheerful, may not include snark)

Beginning Portable Breakfast (liquids, packaged snacks)
Public Ice Schedule Comprehension
Cold Feet (not your own)
Beginning Whine Intervention

Advanced Glove Organization (skater now likes differently colored gloves in precise pairings)
Beginning Skate Blade Maintenance
Practice Ice Schedule Comprehension
Beginning Coaching Relationship
Forward Direct Snark on a Straight Line

Advanced Portable Breakfast (Eggs, bacon, oatmeal, organic)
Beginning Costuming (basic sewing patterns, no embellishment)
Intermediate Coaching Relationship
Whine Intervention with change of tone and argument
Intermediate Skate Tying ("up through the foot" and lace hooks)

Beginning Verbal Tussle with Skating Director (must have valid issue)
Intermediate Costuming (Basic embellishment, difficult fabrics)
Intermediate Skate Blade Maintenance
Intermediate Forced Conversation (may include a degree of snark, but isn't required.)

Anyone know what the Freestyle Levels might include? Anything I missed or not where it should be?


  1. So jealous that you came up with this idea instead of me.

  2. I think Freestyle 10 is currently only held by Park Mee Hee:

    Dismissal of Olympic Level Skating Coach on Nebulous Grounds with Change in Location, may include vague passive aggressive blurbs on widely read internet social media.

  3. Awesome post!! Just found your blog via Xan. Love it!