Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Music to Ban from Basic Skillz/ISI Competitions

After my third night hearing bad renditions of Dynamite, I have decided we just need to establish some ground rules about competition music.

The following must be banned from play at lower level competitions:

1. Small World.

2. Anything that has been on the Billboard Top 100 within the past 3 years.

3. Under the Sea

4. Anything with the words "dream," "wish," or "special," when used in conjunction with the word "girl" and involves speculation on future events.

5. Anything sung by a Children's Choir. (Small World sung by a Children's Choir during a Tot Program merits total ban on participation in future competitions.)

6. Any song that contains lyrics or innuendo inappropriate in context with a skater's age. (See Rule #2.)

7. Any song from any Broadway musical unless used in Character Spotlight Program with appropriate costume.

8. Fame (Either version)

9. Any song from any internet meme or viral video, ever. (See Rule #6)

10. Any song from Disney's Cinderella, Snow White, or Sleeping Beauty without a costume resembling said character -and/or- skater is under five. (Because then it's just mind-bendingly cute.)


  1. For a gala number last year, my rink skated to Everybody Backstreets Back. Firstly, I'm the only skater old enough to remember the song when it came out (I'm 25), Secondly, they wanted us to not just skate and dance, but also to sing along. Thirdly, the song includes the line "am I sexual? Yeeeeaah". I was rather disturbed at them encouraging eight year olds to sing this...

  2. Why not just have everyone sing "Milkshake?"

  3. My favorite ISI competition ever: 7 year old in a merry widow and garters skating to Carmen. I always think it's important to introduce the concepts of fornication, prostitution, sexual slavery and murder-suicide as young as possible.

  4. Depending on the mom, maybe that murder/suicide bit seemed promising...