Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I'm Not Bitter!

I've been thinking abour Prepschool and his sudden rush to PreFreestyle. I know, I probably shouldn't, but it's just so annoying. It's not healthy for me to so badly want a kid to break his ankle.

Stitch is rightfully confused. Just last month I remember the two of them at the ice door, talking about their nervousness about Beta. But now PrepSchool does three turns that leave you wondering how he didn't faceplant, touts success and says, "See? I didn't need to do Delta! Edges? What are those?" As such, I've started giving PrepSchool a wide berth. Stitch simply doesn't need to be exposed to such nastiness, especially when I'm touting the benefits of doing this the "right" way. PrepSchool is stuck on thinking "right" means "not falling in the attempt."

PrepSchool's Mom is clearly a source of this shit. She used to skate herself. She took adult classes and often skated with her kid. She doesn't do that anymore. (Worse, I think there's a daughter in this equation somewhere that I don't see anymore. Has she just been passed over on the skating thing? She was pretty good!) On Fridays, she's sipping coffee in the lobby with this stupid grin on her face while PrepSchool flops around. She used to talk to me nicely, but now she struggles to give me a few words. Maybe she thinks we now have nothing in common anymore. On Saturdays, she's either MIA or Sherpa to a yoga mat, an expensive cardio limbular vaulting device, a skate bag and boasting about how long she's been there. (And yes, when parents drone on and on about "OMG I've been here since fiiiiiiiive," I consider that boasting. Shut up and deal.) She's not seeing how PrepSchool looks in relation to the other PreFreestyle kids. If she did, she might rethink Coach Olympia's rush through Dictionopolis. I caught a glimpse of him last Saturday, and he looked sorely out of place; all straight knees, flailing arms and moonboots.

Then again, she might not. She seems pretty enamoured of the idea that her son "didn't need" to bother with three full levels of Basic Skills. It's like someone handed her the keys to the kingdom which she promptly jammed up her ass.

I'm not saying these things to be nasty. (Okay, maybe a little.) I'm pretty sure that if I raised a stink and got all Stage Mommy, I could probably get Stitch in Pre-Freestyle, too. I'm saying these things because it's giving PrepSchool some really ugly notions about the Learn to Skate levels, and that's going to cripple him in the long term. (Wait, maybe I do want that.) What's worse, his Mom and Coach Olympia seem to be encouraging this bullshit attachment to Levels and not Actual Skills.

As much as it pains me to do so, I'm still going to talk to PrepSchool's mom. His Comp is this weekend, and checking the schedule, the Pre-Alphas go on Sunday around 10:35am. I have got to find this kid's last name to check for YouToobe Coverage. Remember, he's "passed" Alpha and should be in Beta with Stitch at the moment. His forward crossovers look okay.**cough**cough** I'm sorry, sand in my throat. Can someone hand me a bag, er, tissue? Coach Olympia provided him with a Costume and even tried to get him some hand-me-down high test skates. They were too big, so he'll be swizzling in his Moonboots.

Am I being paranoid? Oh god no. This is fun. And you better believe PrepSchool himself asked me the "Threat Level" question, "How old is Stitch?" Don't think PrepSchool's mom doesn't nod and smile with that reserved look, sizing me (and Stitch) up. There's not many years between them, so there's a chance that these two will skate against each other someday. Provided, of course, that PrepSchool doesn't break his neck with his crap landing position.


OMG PrepSchool TOTES needs to be in FS2 like, RIGHT NAO!! Half Lutz! Half Lutz!! No, no, no.... Bad Skate Mom!

Richie Rich? He's looking like Gizmo in Jacksons these days. Coach Diamond looks as though he'd welcome a mauling by a pack of polar bears careening out the zamboni door if it would save him from being on the ice with this kid. I'm not worried about him.


  1. I nearly quit teaching over this issue two year ago, (kid who was jumped from Beta at 5 weeks, all the way to FS 2-- showed up in my FS 2 class halfway thru the session, with no Gamma, Delta, PF or FS1) and actually took a 6 month break while I sorted out whether it compromised my own principals to be part of this. While DD was growing up I tolerated constant comparisons with another coach's students, always snide and condescending. My kid developed a really thick skin, and went farther than any of them. And now when I see that mom I look right through her like she's not even there, even if she talks to me. Oh, and it turns out her daughter used to sabotage her competitions so that she wouldn't win, because she hated skating so much.

    What goes around comes around.

  2. I need to stop thinking about this, because it just makes me mad. I don't like being mad at the rink. Whenever I see him, I'm just as polite as I can be, but honestly when he tries to show up Stitch it just makes me want to cram a blade guard so far... Ugh. Because then I have to do damage control, and I hate doing damage control.

    How could you teach this kid anything?? And what, in heavens name, is the rush????