Friday, December 10, 2010

"There Will be Pants!" - Dress Rehearsal

Dress Rehearsal was fantastic. I can't give a play-by-play, so I'll just do some highlights:

1. My spot is a Trouperette with a sticky trombone. I got the wing of focusing on soloists and opening the flood wide when lighting groups. Despite the stickiness, I could often easily segue from a large group to one or two people. The spots are really the only specials and white frontlight they've got, and we want everyone to look good, so find unlit people and light them. Skaters do move fast, and I was liable to lose them if they made any unexpected twists or turns. Practice will work out my own kinks. The only hitch is when an actor, er, skater tosses a prop from center to downstage left which must be spotted. He nicked it real close to the hockey boards and I was dangerously close to losing a clean shot. I'll mention it to a coach; Keep it upstage a bit.

2. The boys were sent to the torture room; a big empty gym with balls and nets while wearing flimsy costumes. Dad reports that Richie Rich has lost four of five buttons. Tonight I will be sewing while I man the Boys Dressing Room.

3. Coaches have officially lost their minds. When I removed my headset I could hear the arguing, yelling, fussing and fighting going on from backstage. I'm way back in the rafters of the house. When skaters missed their marks or lost their music, sometimes Mysteria would speak from the High Sound Booth, "Coach M, come center so we can discuss." Great fun, really.

4. The Nutso Clan was not in appearance.

5. The Boys did their best, but lost their music. Stitch was trying to direct the other children, despite my firm words to "worry about you, don't worry about others. They'll probably follow you anyway if you just DO IT." Ever since the competition, Stitch has become obsessed with hitting the music. When they missed it this time, his loud "Oh, darn it!" echoed into the silence. (Showbiz Lesson #2 for Stitch; When you mess up, DON'T draw attention to it!)

6. Dad reported some profanity going on backstage. Apparently Stitch overheard someone being called an "Apsehole." Folks, your colleague may indeed be an Apsehole, but backstage at a Kid's Pageant is no place to remind them of this. And really, unless the Pope is coming, it's just not that serious.

After the show, Dad marched into the High Sound Booth and gently reported the infraction to Mysteria.
"Did you get the crazy parent look?" I asked.
"Yeah, she gave me the look. But when I told her that I didn't really care, and she might want to correct this before she gets a really crazy parent that does care, she apologized."
I love it.

7. For a bunch of skaters who contested so hotly over these solo bits, I've never seen a more bored bunch of performers in my life. They were frowning, sometimes scowling, only smiling at their entrance and then skating as though they had burrs in their spankies. And don't give me the "it's just rehearsal" excuse. Dress rehearsal is given the same energy as a show! In my world, Dress Rehearsal is probably a preview with an audience. Give it all you've got. But no. One girl fell on a sit spin and sat for a beat as though considering the universe. Get up, girl, before I turn this spot off. No one wants to see you frown. 

8. Next year we should skip this nonsense and do "Emmet Otter's Jugband Christmas." First off, who the hell doesn't like Emmet Otter. Second, half the show takes place on a frozen creek. This is a perfect match for skating. Third, all lead roles are boys. Fourth, all the little soloists could go on during the "Talent Show" portion. It's freaking perfect, people!


  1. Forget Emmet Otter. My number one pick for a proper Christmas ice show is Rocky Horror on Ice.

  2. Only if you dress the Tots as Toast Slices. That would be fantastic.